Changing Realities.

Meet Josh.

Josh is a Chinese-American, more on the American side. He’s American but he looks Chinese and his ancestors come from China. He loves the Steelers, pumping weights, and well…. all Pittsburg sports.

When we got off the plane coming back from China there were two lines. One was for American citizens and one was for visitors, internationals, foreigners, (anyone not American). We all moved into the American citizen’s line. But Josh, who was running behind because his luggage got left missed the turn and just followed the crowd and ended up in the international line. When entering a new country, you go through many more checks if it’s not your own country. What are you doing here? How long will you stay? Did you bring anything to sell? Blah blah blah. Security is a bit tighter for you because it’s this idea of “We don’t know you. You don’t know the way things are in America/India/China/Etc. We need to make sure you’re not bringing your own countries rules into our country.” It makes sense, happens to me in every country I go to except America is much stricter with…everything.

Here’s the deal. Josh got in the international line and starts getting all this extra checks and issues. He has to jump through many more hoops. They’re checking him extra and being strict, quick, slightly defensive towards him. They basically took away his rights as an American citizen because they thought he was Chinese rather than American. He lost his rights. This was Josh’s first time coming back to America so he thought this was normal procedure for America to do. If Josh would have known the reality, the truth, his rights – he wouldn’t have had to go through the harassment, precautions, extra work, etc. Silly Josh.

Silly us. I created this story to tell you this fact. We are who the Bible says we are not what we experience. So often we have an idea of God, an idea of the Christian life, and an idea of how things are supposed to happen because of the reality we live in. God’s good, most of the time but not always. He give us sickness, pain, struggles, so we can suffer through it. We are sinners saved by grace. We’re basically still sinful even though Jesus has died for us to free us that we could become His righteousness because I still struggle with a lot of things. I can’t seem to break free no matter how hard I try from these addictions, back talking, gossiping, trash talking someone, losing my temper with them, lusting, judging them based upon what they wear or how they look and then putting myself higher or lower to them in response. Being a Christian means being polite to everyone, never getting angry, listening only to soft Christian music on the radio, being extremely conservative, and accepting a lot of the bad in my life because it’s “God’s will that his people suffer.” Some people are called to go out and tell about Jesus and they have a special gift for that. I’m just working on reading my Bible each day to get my time in.

Everything I just said does not line up with the Bible. The parts that are in the Bible are misquoted and taken out of context. They are misapplied to our 21^st century context and simplified and watered down. Like Josh, who went through a lot more crap than he had to because he didn’t know he was in the wrong line and had to put up with it, we often suffer a lot of things that we don’t have to. Christ has paid and finished so much at the cross. The finished work of the cross provides coverage for all sin, (that means the ones you may do tomorrow that you’ll feel guilty about and let Satan beat you up over for the next 5 min, hour, 2 days, 2 weeks). In Christ there is no condemnation (Rom 8:1). There is no more bondage to sin (Rom8:2). You are not a sinner anymore – that is not how you are defined. You have been made the righteousness of God(2 Cor 5:21). You are His son or daughter and are entitled/co-heir with that of Christ(Rom8:15). Many times in a situation we’ll accept guilt, shame, or even take it on us to think “this is real repentance” rather than accepting that Christ has already taken all of that and walking away. I say this because we as citizens of heaven (Phil 3:20). We don’t have to accept all of this – instead we declare our identity, our citizen ship. “Wait, no. I’m an American. I don’t have to go through all of this.” “Wait, No. I’m a Son of God. I don’t have to go through all of this.”

What’s stranger than this are the things that Jesus said “if you believe in me, you’ll do the things that I do…but greater things.” (John 14:12). Many times we accept not doing these things because I haven’t seen it, or it didn’t work, or I don’t have that gifting. He said it, it should happen. We accept realities around us all the time that we don’t  have to. We need to fight for our rights as citizens of the Kingdom, as sons or daughters, as one’s under the power of the blood.  We don’t see some healings, encouragement, prophesy, or other incredible acts of Love from God to His people because we accepted the reality or the experience that it doesn’t happen…or it doesn’t happen to me.  That’s accepting a false reality. It’s letting the experience change your theology rather than letting your theology change your experience. It should shift things in the atmosphere. It should shift things in your daily circumstances. “Well, not everyone is joyous every day” is a piece of reality we have accepted as true even when we don’t have to. The second fruit of the Spirit is JOY (Gal 5:22). Jesus tells us to abide in Him so that “My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.” (John 15:11) Joy is a prevailing theme throughout scriptures. Jesus doesn’t want us to be knots on a log, or to be overcome by the world, or “just having a bad day” again…for the 12 day in a row. We aren’t promised sports cars, but we’re also not promised poverty both emotionally and physically. Don’t think being a self-martyr makes you more Holy or makes you more Biblical. It actually makes you more prideful because the focus is on what you’re doing and now that Christ has already done. He comes to bring joy and life and life more abundantly. (John 10:10) If you’re not joyful, pray for joy. If you’re not patient you pray for patience. In the list, joy is 2 before patience.

We cannot let our experiences change how we read the Bible, we have to let the Bible change our experiences.

Don’t accept this false American reality. Don’t accept what your preacher says. Don’t accept what Christian radio explains. Don’t accept what I’ve said. Don’t just accept circumstances because you are in them. Let the word change you, then declare His promises and His reality and His truth into the circumstance you’re in. It’s not some cosmos thing. It’s like there’s this fog in the room that everyone has accepted and your stating what’s on the other side of the fog because God has told you it’s there and then other people begin to see it and move past the fog. There’s this false reality in America, in China, in the world that we’ve been lulled to sleep by and accepted as if things are the way they are not. As mirrored wall makes the room look bigger, a thin sheet hung up closes the room down. If you don’t know there’s another side to the room, you will live and function within the confines of the small room. But if you know there is more to the room, you will not let the sheet act as a wall and you will enjoy and use the full space of the room. We are called and given the whole room – but we have to know the reality that God states in the Bible. If we do not know it, and we don’t walk in that reality, we will live half a life, a defeated life, and such a smaller amount than what God has created for us and Christ has bought back at the cross.

Salvation

I am back safe and sound in the States and am working on processing and getting things ready to present at different Reunion Spots. Family Reunion Spots. :) I'd love to tell more stories and I probalby will on here because they are too many to tell in a 30min-1hr time slot. For today, I had a thought I wanted to encourage and share with you all. It's the idea or point of "being saved" what that looks like.

Salvation is not a prayer. It’s a surrendering event where you lay down your weapons of rebellion against God the King, your dreams of being comfortable, and your ideas that you know what’s best. You follow Jesus into the throne room of God the King and coming undone by the insane tangibility of Love and bow down before him surrendering your life. You hear the name Jesus and as you look up you see the sword of the Lord knighting you, adopting you, coronating you into the royal family. This is the only time in history where the surrender became a coronation ceremony.

QQ Status

Chinese people use QQ. QQ is an instant messaging program on steroids. It's created by Chinese people and EVERYONE uses it. They dont do email, they use QQ. Everyone, everyone's mom, everyone's grandma, and probably their 6 year old little cousin uses it too. (No joke or exaggeration.) In the office each computer has someone's QQ logged in and they will chat on it as well as send important official documents as we would use email.  (Anyways, this is a snippet of Chinese culture.)

Last night, I got on QQ to talk to a student when I saw one of our guys from our study online. He mentioned earlier in our study that when he puts something about Believing in his status his parents will criticize him and tell him not to take it to seriously - that it will distract him from his study. One of the other guys laughed because his parents did the same thing. He gave him some advice "write it in English...your parent's won't be able to follow along." The whole group laughed - but you kind of see the problem. So last night I checked his status and was filled with joy as I read his message (after translating it with google translate).

"让我明白一生只为见证与荣耀" – "I understand that life is only to witness and honor."

How legit is that? This is what I'm talking about. I know he is completely sincere too. It's so cool to see his growth. You know it's not a nice or polite thing he says just to get attention because well... people don't do that here with this stuff. It's not something that people will pat you on the back for like in the States and say you're a good kid. I'm super proud of him and so thankful to see the Spirits work. Thanks for letting me see this. It makes it easier to leave knowing you've got things taken care of. 

Can Soap Change a Nation?

I had the awesome priveldge tonight of doing something that changed many lives.

As we've been drawing our study to a close these last two weeks, tonight we wanted to go out like the J-man went out. We went through some passages of promises He made and the call He gave to us, and discussed their heart and questions. Questions burning inside about those in rural China who have never heard the story. "Maybe you should go?" Josh asked. Then we asked one of the guys if he would read John 13...in Chinese. He flipped to the page and said "are you really...?" and the three of us walked outside.

We came back in with a tub of warm water, a bar of soap, and a towel. One by one we were able to get down on the floor and wash the feet of the men we've been walking along side for the past year. These are the guys we've seen each week in our study. These are the guys we've been meeting with at least one other time to talk about life and the Word and junk going on. I couldn't help but smile as I washed "Mr. President"'s feet. I was just filled with joy as a tear ran down my cheek.

 

Two of the four continued to wipe tears from their eyes as we washed their feet. It was as if J himself were doing it. They were so touched, so moved, so undone. I just watched in amazement of the reality I was seeing. I had the unmistakable passage rushing through my head "How can hear unless someone goes? How beautiful are the feet that bring good news." I think it was specific for them. It was a glimpse of what He was doing. We were commissioning. As He commissioned the 12, so we were now sending them out. One is going to France for the next few years to study and go to school, one will work with underprivileged teens this summer, one volunteers now at a Family coffee shop, and one confessed he wanted to share more, but didn't know what to say so He was going to spend the summer getting to know the Book and the Father more. I am so proud of them. We read it over them then lifted them up and sent them out. (Literally, their dorm closed at 9:40 and they left my apartment at 9:43.) 

As they left, one turned and said, "I'll never forget this night..." and I think neither will I. The course of China will be changed by these men, and I am proud to get to know them and serve them. Thank you for being part of what's going on here. 

 

Americans Eat Meat.

Today is Wednesday. We found out this afternoon that our train to take us to Beijing from our city, Changchun, is going to leave on next Friday night instead of Saturday. Oh crap...that changes alot of things. I thought that was bad until I got the next message. 3 minutes later, I got a text saying that we need to send our luggage ahead of us. It should be in our FAO's (foreign affair officer) office by 8 am Monday morning. Basically, that means instead of having the planned week and some to finish packing and grading - we have half a week. I hadn't started packing yet. So our grades are supposed to be done by Tuesday-ish. All of our luggage (aka apartments) should be packed up by Monday. Not to mention the fact that we've pretty much already booked every meal time with students and a few extra times in between as well. It's going to be a very busy next few days. Thoughts are highly requested.

As we transition, we begin to think about changing our diet back to the American way. Eating more dairy is on the top of the list. We also have told our students that "No, we don't eat rice every meal. We actually dont usually eat rice. We eat some sort of bread, meat, and maybe a form of potato."  We eat big pieces of meat - here they eat slices or slivers of meat. That being said, I'll introduce the following question.

Tannah teaches "Survey of English Speaking Countries" aka "Western Culture/History." For her last class before their final test she was going to answer some of their questions. She had the students write down any question they wanted to know about and she picked the main/common ones and taught about them again. As she read through them, I got a text in my office reading "Do you have your camera?" I didn't know what was going to happen until she came in and put this down in front of me.

I'd like to mention the fact that this is one of the students that I dont teach. haha. This is an awesome question though. Thanks for asking. We Americans do like our meat. Mmm Mmmm Beef.

The Battle Within

This is just a quote from a devo I've been doing and some thoughts the Father gave afterwards. It was talking about those who are poor in spirit.

"A castle that has been long besieged and is ready to be taken will
deliver up on any terms to save their lives. He whose heart has been a
garrison for the devil and has held out long in opposition against
Chr---t, when once The Father has brought him to poverty of spirit and
he sees himself damned without Chr---t, let The Father propound what
articles He may, he will readily subscribe to them. 'Lord, what will
you have me to do?'" (Thomas Watson).

I think we often don’t see our hearts as a stronghold for the devil. We see them as basically good or ok – as we check ourselves by our moral standards or the culture around us. We don’t understand why we have to be broken so much or lose so many things if we’re “doing pretty good”. We consider G to be slightly mean and cruel because He keeps attacking and tearing down our hearts that were doing ok. He starves out enemies that are in us that are hiding that we don’t know about. He besieges our whole being to put us in shock and to search our inner being and inner walls. Sometimes with our search but often by just pure emptiness we find the enemy inside. The secluded enemy/lie/habit that is with us surges from the darkness in fear and anger as its being starved for attention and it's way of life has been cut off. It crawls out snarling ready to fight and at that point we turn and realize what’s been inside this whole time (or maybe we already knew) but now with our realization of our weakness we surrender it to the Father. Then, He moves with His mighty Word to demolish all that is not of Him. A scepter of righteousness, light, and strength to dominate every form of evil so that life and love may full live abundantly. The one who "has it together" (is insecure/hiding/or unaware of what could be inside) is the one who needs to be besieged to recognize all that's within. But it's the poor in spirit, the one who acknowledge there probably are things hiding inside that need taken care of that He can rule in. Let us be that poor that He might rule in majesty.

For my name's sake... (future plans)

Have you ever prayed so emphatically but accidentally. Well, in case you haven't, I have. To be more specific we should probably use the phrase "ignorantly" rather than accidentally.

It's June 6, I leave my city in 17 days - two and a half weeks. "what are you doing next year?" people ask as I excitedly get to tell them "I'm going to go study the Book! I want to learn more about Yesu." oh, where are you going?" haha...well...I don't know yet. It's the beginning of May so I'm still ok but pressed a bit. Wait, no it's beginning of June. I'm used to finishing college in May not June (for students it's July- we leave early). So it's even more of a crunch.

Am I worried? Yes. Do I feel immature? Yes. Do I feel irresponsible? Yes. Do I have cold sores in my mouth to prove it? Yes, multiple ones for multiple weeks. Have I looked at schools? Yes. Have I found the right one? No. Does that bother me? Yes. Am I going home in about two weeks? Yes. Shouldn't I know by now? I would think so. Is it to late to apply? I hope not (some schools it is, others it's not). What happens if it's too late for this semester? I have no idea - I'm expecting it to be. So, when will you know? I dont know! I thought a month or so at least! I know this doesn't seem like that big of deal when it's not your life - but seeing how it's mine, it's a big deal to me. I feel isolated, unable to process, and feel like I'm behind, always behind on everything.

As I began explaining things and processing them out with a teammate a few nights ago (a.k.a. verbally vomiting all my unprocessed junk from the past few months) we struck gold... or at least the cause of it all. Back to the original paragraph. Gen 12:1-4 "The Lord said to Abram, "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you...So Abram left, as the Lord had told him..."  Maybe that didn't strike you as interesting, but I was amazed by that. He told him to go to a place he had no idea where, but just pack up all he had and go... Abram didn't even get a direction to start heading in. But his response was, "So Abram left." Man, I want to be like that. Make me like that. I want to just go when you say go. 

There it was. That was it. Started in high school when I first read that. I had no intentions of actually leaving the country. I didn't even mean it, really. I mean I did, but I had no idea what I was thinking. Since then He's been growing my trust in Him. In high school I found out in January that I was going to Concord in August (7 months to prepare, adapt, adjust, plan.). At the end of Concord University my time was getting close and I found out in April I was coming to China (4 months to prepare, adapt, adjust, plan, support raise, transition.) Now that I'm in China my time is coming to an end (2 weeks) and I believe I'll be starting school in August (2 months to transition, apply, get accepted, find housing, place to stay, etc.)  I never thought about packing up all my stuff into my car and driving into a new town to go to college without a place to stay for the night or semester. Essentially, that's what Abraham (Abram) did. Except he had his family too... and a ton of livestock and servants to go with him. Yet, he trusted Him to provide. No wonder he's credited with so much faith!

I find myself (a simpler, modern day Abram) being transformed into the King by way of Abraham the one who walked by Faith even when He didn't know and it wasn't practical or logical or even wise. At the end of  our conversation my teammate stopped me when I said, "I just feel so immature and irresponsible, like I dont have my life together and I'm a slacker." She responded, "You're waiting on G to provide you the college He wants you to go to, while loving and serving Him where you are, and searching when you can and he tells you to and you feel like you're lives not together and your irresponsible?" I had to think about it for a min before I caught what she was saying.

It's good to be "responsible" but you can't argue with being Bookical. We walk by faith and not by sight, plans, wisdom, or hopefully college application deadlines and fees. I want to see the Book stories come to life now. I said one and many times again expecting glory not necessarily myself to be waiting and trusting so much. I'm glad I said it, and I'm glad He trusts Him more than I do. I dont want to be behind, but I will wait for as long as possible - (but I'd like to know where and when pretty soon.) So I guess even more now, I'm being made into my name's sake... I want to be more like that, by His grace and His fruit in me, I will be...

"Abram believed G and it was credited to him as righteousness." - Romans 4:3

"I've got a good testimony..."

That's how our boy G started the conversation as he sat down in our weekly guys study.

"I've got a good testimony..." 

Ok. Sweet. I thought. Maybe he got to share with a classmate or something?

 "This morning, I was Talking to the Father and thinking. I have been a Believer for already one and a half years now... and I have never discipled anyone. One and a half years! I should have been disciplining someone by now. I mean one and half a years. No one! So I started to Ask for it." 

I dont remember the rest of the story, but it involved a classmate wanting "inner peace" as she struggled with some times in her life and has been looking into being a Believer for that. She "has so many people around her who are believers" (aka 4 people, which in G's mind is sooo many.) She wanted to go to the fellowship and asked if they would have like a celebration or something for her if she became one. "Probably not" he answered, "but if you want to, I can show you how?"

The next thing I know G and Tannah (her old teacher and my teammate) were eating dinner with her and they explained "the basic things about J came, died, came back to life again, the Father made everything, and we can follow Him to go heaven." She liked it, believed it, accepted it and is now a sister! Tan had an extra book to give her and G was smiling from ear to ear. "It's so cool that He hears me and answers like that."

Awesome things that 1) He's been a believer for a year and a half and he's bothered he hasn't discipled anyone yet. I know hundreds of people who are Believers who have never discipled anyone and they've been in for years. 2) We have a new sister! She now knows hope, love, peace, joy, faithfulness, contentment, etc. 3) That G is pursuing to share his story more. 4) His perspective is Bookical - "He hears me!" was his greatest joy. (Lk10:20)  5) Two more weeks and He's not done yet!

Single & Satisfied?

Hi. My name is Abram and I'm single.

I'll be honest, for most of my life I've struggled with this. I've always wanted a girlfriend. It started out because having a girlfriend was cool in junior high school and in high school it proved you weren't a loser (so I thought). In college, I began to realize a difference idea towards dating that it should be more for a future spouse. Then I felt like I needed a girlfriend to prove that I was mature and growing up. I looked at society and what they say is mature and that meant - having a job, paying your own bills, having your own place, taking care of yourself, settling down, getting a job, house, wife, etc.

I did the anti-"growing up" thing and moved back in with my  parents for a few months while transitioning to come to China. I "have a job" that I have to raise support for (which makes me feel like I'm a kid that I need others to take care of me), I have temporary housing that was set up and provided for me (because I'm a guest/worker for a company/can't speak or talk in Chinese), I can't do most things by myself and always have to ask for help (because I can't speak Chinese), and as far as getting a wife...I made a promise not to date for a year and moved to the other side of the planet where the options were much slimmer even if I did want to.

I'm so glad I did. In relationship realm, I have learned that most of my life this issue has been stuck in not being content and affirmed by what the Father says about me. I've wanted a girl to tell me all the things that He should be. "Wow, you're great. You're awesome. I'm glad you're mine. I'm so proud of you. I love you. I'm not letting go. I'll always be here. I want to show you off. I want to sit and talk for ever. I want to be showered by your love. You're mine." It's someone to come home to at the end of the day and share life with. Someone to encourage when they're down. Someone to think of little surprises and ways to love them throughout their day. Someone to text about how class went or to make sure they made it when traveling safely. I realize these are all good things coming from the right person, and many of them we've worked through and learned how to take responsibility, what a relationship is actually supposed to look like, and learning to pursue a woman for her growth not your pleasure, but still have more to work through and some I don't even know yet, but that's okay.

This year in the process, I learned a few things that was encouragement for me. To save time, we'll put it this way. Many times I feel like G just puts ideas in my head that I dont really think about. Many times they're ways to encourage our Sisters. This semester the girls had a slumber party so as the guys we got together, dressed up, and took them flowers with a poem we wrote them. Some guys were tracking along, some guys had never heard of this idea before. One of the guys is engaged, so they expected something kind of like that from him - but it was an encouragement to them and perhaps to the other guys of how to step it up and as a single guy this is what we can be doing in the waiting. If I was interested in one of the girls it would have been tainted motivation. If I was dating someone it would have been ruled out, but just plain Fatherly affection flowing to our sisters gave the girls hope in the character or guys and a challenge to the guys of what we can do be doing as singles. (This is not a boasting time, this is because other guys have shown this to me, my parents raised me well, and G's wants to love people better than I can think.)

Essentially, the point is similar to singing. I want to be able to sing well. I want to sing loud to Him and for Him. I want to be able to sing for my wife. For a long time, I didn't sing out in w.ship because I could hear myself and it was embarrassing. When all the people who can sing and singing beside you it makes you super aware of how bad you're singing is. Lately, He's shared with me that even though I can't sing well, when I sing out to Him it gives others the freedom to openly express themselves no matter how good or bad it sounds.  - As with dating, I might not be there yet but going full force shows others what it means to go full force. Even though I would rather have a girlfriend/singing abilities, He wants me to use what I have now and in my lacking it shows that you don't need "everything" to serve and love well. When you go/serve/love/step out in your imperfection it challenges and encourages others to do the same and not wait until everything's in tune to go.

So at times the point I make and still struggle saying everyday is "if my singleness/rough singing will encourage other women in their hope for men, other men to step it up, and both to sing out to you no matter how it sounds, I'll be single and sing bad for the rest of my life." It'd be really cool if I could, but if not, I want to be used to encourage others along the way.

(I share all of this in case your single and frustrated or lonely...and "waiting patiently" but still antsy. Just wanted to encourage you that you're not the only one, but here's some encouragement that the Father has shown me that I know He can and wants to do in your life too.)

20 more minutes - he would have been in.

There 3 weeks left in the country and no sign of slowing down. One of our guys, we'll call him the Terminator, has been talking to one of his friends who has noticed the changed in him. Josh (other foreign teacher) got to talk and share with the new guy. He was open to it and taking it in. He came in tonight to join our study where we were just going to talk and hang out.

Throughout the evening as we talked he asked a few questions and our guys jumped in sharing stories and lessons.  The new guy, "Bob", discussed how he just felt like He had done too many things.  Then the confessions started. Going around the circle guy after guy became admitting things they used to do and how they had changed. What's cool is guys were bragging on other guys!  One guy bragged on another that he had stopped playing video games (a huge addiction and time waster of Chinese students). He hung his head a little bit. "I cancelled it (deleted it) once, but then downloaded it again. Then I cancelled it again, but downloaded it again. Now I cancelled it... but when I dare to go back in the evenings to the dorm... I just sit there. I don't know what to do anymore." As we shared there was everything from smoking, to video games, to pornography, to masturbation, and on.

At another point he asked how long it took the other guys to believe. As our Boy G shared it took him like a year and half, Bob asked if he still did bad things during that time. We explained we now still make mistakes, but we're forgiven.

Long and the short of it - Bob had more info inserted in him tonight than he had time to process. I'm thinking once he gets to process and realize it, it will be soon. He realizes he needs forgiveness and is searching for truth and for love and acceptance. Please Lift up for his protection and against distraction from the enemy.

The other cool thing was to see how the guys jumped in and shared their stories and their lessons they learned. They are sharing what they think, but to get to see it in person is awesome. They were all in on it and playing off each other (and it was all in English). I feel so blessed by it. It was awesome.

(Other fun times too, including teaching them how to throw a fly plate (frisbee), making vanilla pudding and giving them crushed up oreo's and some m&m's and chex mix (thank you to those of you who passed it on) and showed them how to put it all together for "MeiGuo de Magic" (American Magic). I think we're slowly plumping them up or creating sugar addicts based on the amount of sweets we go through on Thursday nights, but they dig it each time.)

Meeting Him

This weekend I got to talk to a student of mine while on the bus from the park with her classmates. She's a Believer so I started asking about her and her parents story. Her mom became a Believer when the student was about 8 or 10. Her dad's still not a believer but they pr for him a lot AND last year he came to the fellowship for Christmas!

I asked how she became a believer and she described how when she was 12, she had a "a bad illness. A cough." (Which could be a lot of things, but these are the words we both knew.) The doctors couldn't do anything to help her so her mom took her to the fellowship for people to pr for her.  G showed up and did what He does and healed her and she became a Believer. She went on to comment that, "I think most of the people in China are believers because the G healed them"

I'm not sure the reliability in this statement, but I do hear a lot of stories going around that I can't wait to share and hope to see more of on both sides of the Ocean.  Please though, pr for her and her relationship. She said she doesn't pr and she feels lazy because of it. I'm not sure exactly how consistent it is, but I just dont think she's fully locked on yet. Also, pr against the lie that she hears that she thinks that G doesn't love her. It's one of the worst lies that's an assault on the very character of the Father. She's the only Believer in her class so another few would be nice to encourage her/each other along while bringing the rest of the class on board too. ;)

Our Dreamer Update

If you remember back to last summer, I shared the story of one of my students who met J in a dream. She started to believe, but then realized she couldn’t have a belief and be in the Party so she dropped her belief and the dream. What I love about getting to stay 2 years and Chinese people is that they work hard at things, so now she can explain more of what happened.  Here’s the update.

This weekend Tannah, my teammate, went home with 3 of the girls to their village, Billy Gram Jr., the dreamer, and another student.  Tannah was warned by Jr. that the dreamer didn’t’ like to talk about it at all. Apparently, she had seen J dying on the cross and was scared. (Not the scared you’re thinking of…) The type of scared that someone could love her that much. If He loves me that much, I don’t think I can be a Believer because I’m not good enough. She shared how she’s scared by that type of love and that He went through all of that for her.  

She confessed how she didn’t understand how He would accept her after she and her family had bowed down to her ancestors’ graves and pr- to them. She didn’t understand how He would accept someone who had went and slept with her boyfriend and on and on.

Tannah described obedience as when you’re in a relationship and your boyfriend says “hey can you do me a favor?” and you say “of course!” It’s like that. The Father asked, “Tannah, will you wait until to sleep with a boy until you get married?” “Sure, J.”  She explain how it’s like that, we do these things because we get J out of the deal. We do them out of love. “Oooohhhh.” As things inside began to click.

On the way back, the dreamer said. “I think having a religion is good. I really want to have a religion but I just don’t think I can.” (Religion here doesn’t have the negative, condemning, works based connotation that it does in America. Here it’s the word the further developed word they know for “having a belief.”) I’m afraid that when I’m a Believer and my parent have taught and want me to bow down to my ancestors because it’s cultural. But how can I do that when I know what He’s done for me.”  Tannah challenged her to take the next month and just ask the Father that everyday what she should do with that. “Oh. Oh, ok.” She said with determination.  Please, let’s join in and help her come home! Continue to lift for us and we for you. He is big and we want to take G-sized steps. I don’t want to get in the way and make Him stutter-step.  

Give us all strength to pursue, the boldness to do so, the peace to rest when needed, and the wisdom of what to do in the whole process. For Your Beautiful Name, So-Be-It.

A different Faithful

Two nights I had to laugh at the idea that the phrase "He is faithful" is not the same as "he is Faithful." I've been teaching my kids about connotation and denotation. Denotation is the meaning of the word, connotation is the feelings or implied meaning. For example "cut the cheese" denotative means "to slice cheese with a knife" but we all know the connotation means "to fart."  Advertisers use connotation all the time to elicit your emotions for or against something: abortion can be defined as "pro-life" or "murdering babies." The connotations of these are much different. I've also learned that the same word means very different things "Dad" could mean a combination of "a father, comfort, love, gentleness, a man, bold, authoritative, strict, mean, controlling, absent, hurtful, drunk, bitterness, etc." depending on how you view your dad. I realize that I have a lot of negative connotations based on past experience when it comes to different words. One of which was "H.Spirit" which we've talked about before. I realized two nights ago that my connotative definition of faithful was changing.

I had to laugh at the idea that the phrase "He is faithful" is not the same as "he is Faithful."

 As I've not been sleeping well, tired, frustrated and battling lies/convictions about not doing enough or not spending my time wisely or seeking comfort rather than rest - I've been kind of drained. I've been upset about my time here. It comes in waves - sometimes I see what He's doing and other times I feel like He doesn't even hear me. Unfortunately, it's been in the same day too many times.

This morning I was relieved to be reminded and told in my heart that His faithfulness is not my faithfulness. Ironically, this is the passage I used last summer to share:

The saying is trustworthy, for:

"If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him;
if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful-"

for he cannot deny himself. (2Tim2:11-13)

Essentially it comes down to this. Even if you are faithless. even if you didn't do what you were supposed to do. Even if you failed miserably. Even if you sat on your butt and did nothing - that does not mean that He did. He is faithful to finish the work He started. He is faithful to do what He promised. It's not about what you did, it's about what He did and what He is doing. So you could do jack squat but He could save the nation. He care's more about them than you do, and He wants them in more than you do, He is the one who's going to be doing it. He is the one who is Faithful. He has never failed, never given up, and never quit. HE IS FAITHFUL.

He's also strong. As a quick side note, I forget His power is not limited to me and what I do. Here's a good example of what I had nothing to do with, but He had a lot to do with and this shows what He can do. So what's a little lacking or hard heart for him to overcome?

Good point. I see you dont really need me after all. It's about you reaching them. I don't have to do jack squat for you to reach them. It's all You either way. Thanks for the reminder. Now, I feel more free to Love knowing it's You who has to come through and it's You who will come through through whoever You like. I'm open. Use me. If not, just keep preparing me for a life worthy of You.

Faithful

Last summer, as I shared about my time in China, two phrases stuck out as a common theme, He is Big and He is faithful. These two things seem to be under the most attack of doubt this year. 

As I welcomed my new freshman and let them chose English names, I was intrigued by the choice of one boy, Faithful. "This is interesting. :)" I thought. Now, 8.5 months later, I should have recognized that it was a sign of where I should be going, but not to expect the same.

Some people are really easy to love, when you see them your heart jumps and is excited, you think what they do is cute and funny, and you talk about them a lot. You genuinely enjoy spending time with them, (even if the language barrier is difficult at times and tiring.) Then there's other people who sometimes you want to jump in another room so you dont have to talk to them. When you see them, everything in you sinks a little because you know the focus and energy it's going to take from you. I know it sound horrible, but it's often true and I dont want it to be. It's been an honest struggle and currently wearing me out. I feel like the Father has put Him there for a reason, but even that took me some time to see. For the longest time, I just wanted to get through the conversations - which are 80% about "the skill of pronunciation" and the other 17% often sounds like an inspirational speech/sales pitch but with high Chinese mentality. The remaining 3% is potentially silence or choppy answers when I ask questions such as "how was your day?," "what do you want to eat?" or "What are you going to do this weekend?" He often waits for me outside of my class which kind of kills the free time or mingling afterwards. You can count on the fact that Friday afternoon after my class, he will be there saying "do you have some plans?" In my selfishness/own mind, I often just want 30 min/hour after all my classes of the week to just sit and think or to go do something fun or to relax - but I found I have to have plans now for that question that awaits me at 3:20 every Friday afternoon. 

After a few months of just trying to get through the conversations, the Father finally showed me there's a reason he's in front of me. He's one of the people I need to be pouring into. By His grace and the HS changing my mind, we had a new perspective on the conversation. He was there for me to share life with. I also learned how so much of the time we accept what's good or bad based upon what others think is cool or not. Most people can't stand him and due to his 3-30 min monologues, lack of questions about you, intense vocabulary and speech like conversations. He's also just socially awkward and very one-track minded. Looking past these things and saying, Ok, how can I love you? The Father has given me the mindset to just think on that level and listen a lot.  He's also taught me how to be more assertive, direct, and blunt in conversations as I often have to cut in and say something that to me seems harsh - but otherwise it's not happening. 

As great as this sounds, it's very tiring on me at times. Sometimes I KNOW the Father is working through me as I'm not tired and I feel like I'm growing a lot and I'm going to be a good dad, husband, and a superBeliever. Other times likes last night, I wanted to just slap that stupid vocabulary out of him and have a real conversation. There's so much Chinese thought of if I try harder, do better, am more persistent then I can do it. I believe in myself. "Every human has unlimited potential to do whatever he wants," he told me many times. "Do you really believe that?" I asked. "If that's true, why isn't everyone successful? Why isn't everyone happy? Why doesn't everyone have their dreams?" He responds with a certain confidence in his answer, "The lack the spirit of perseverance." I drop my head because I know this train of thought that we've went down so many times: try harder, let experiences form you, don't give up, keep trying and one day you'll reach your dreams. If you dont, you haven't tried hard enough. I try calling him out on it. I try telling him I know old people who have spent their life like this but aren't happy. I just straight out tell him, without the One Man, you won't be happy. Yet each comment I make seems to be a hammer bouncing off a boulder being deflected and only sending tiring vibrations back in to my arm as he refers to men like Napoleon or a famous Chinese interpreter. He names 1 out of millions and says "they persisted and tried hard enough."  It wears me out because I know it's not true and I know it's wearing him down too but he has so much pressure from his parents who have just straight up told him "Don't disappoint us. Our futures are riding on you. You have to be successful. You have to work hard or you wont get a job, be successful, or take care of us." With an extremist respect towards parents in this culture, that's hard to combat against. 

Today, I'm going with Faithful's class to a park. Yes, his class. All 29 of them. I ask for patience and joy with them. I also Ask that I can say no when I need to and can get to share what's really important to me when I need to also. I dont want to downplay our relationship but I want to give him value and still be honest that it's because G loves him that I love him.

Tomorrow, part 2 of Faithful - G's side.

...the world would be different.

We'll call him "Apple." Apple is a junior student who was about as busy as could be, running around serving everyone and not having time to think of eternal things. Last semester, he grew really close to Megan (another teacher here) as they took on a little brother and big sister role with each other. He went through a study with 2 other friends of his and some other teachers. At the end of the semester he was taking it all in, reading a lot before each week trying to understand more. He was learning, but it wasn't for him. He was just very interested in it. His friends were not. At the beginning of this semester Megan felt that she shouldn't have another study with them, and should actually back off, even though he had grown so much. "I think he just needs more guys in his life (as he had none really at the time)." With a broken heart and choosing to trust in the Father to take care of him even when it was hard, she followed through.

Six weeks later, after meeting with Josh (another teacher) each week for lunch and talking about life.  I got a text from Megan reading, "DID YOU HEAR?!"

"Apple?" I responded.
"Apple and Susie!" She replied. "I've been crying all day!"
Wait, whose Susie? As Megan followed the Father and had given up meeting with Apple Josh had started meeting with Apple. The exact same day, she started meeting with Susie. A few weeks later, the exact same day the Father opened them up and they both realized the life they wanted was in Him!

Fast forward 3 more weeks, and I finally get to meet Susie while shopping with Megan. I heard about how she had been dating her boyfriend, "the Great", for a while and now really wanted him to be a Believer. She had considered breaking up with him, but felt like the Father was saying that he was the one she was going to be with. So she earnestly sought Him about it and continued to Ask and get others to Ask too. "I just really want him to be a Believer too. We've been talking about it." (How awesome is that? Within 3 weeks of starting a new life she's ready to change everything and give up her relationships, but is seeking for others she loves to be Loved too and is sharing it!) She said they had been talking about it and he thought he should become a Believer, but wasn't sure yet.

Saturday night, we had a get together for some of the Brothers and Sisters on campus to meet with our new Brothers and Sisters to get plugged in. Josh got "the Great's" number and they were going to eat lunch later.

Last night before our guys study on Being a Man and the Purpose of Marriage, I get a phone call saying, "Hey, "the Great" is going to join us tonight....He became Cool yesterday." Josh tells me. How cool is the Father that He continues to bring in His own? Not only one, but they're families, households, and circles of influence. We started our study with 3 guys and 3 teachers. Now, He's brought in 3 more guys, upping our total to 9 each night. At the end of our study, we asked the guys what they were thinking. "The Great" stared at the board we had written up some points and facts about being a man, taking responsibility, loving and serving like J, and the purpose of marriage and says, "I think this is very good for me. Susie and I are going good, so I think this will be very important to me. I think we're all just very selfish people and always are thinking about ourselves, but we should try to be more like J." He paused then continues, "I think, if the everyone knew this ... the whole world would be different."



Encouragement:
"If everyone knew this...the whole world would be different." I dont want you to read this and say "Wow, three more people became Believers." Which is awesome, but I want you to see the faithfulness of the Father. How He's always working and moving. I want you to see how He gives us opportunities to be intentional, faithful, and trust Him and look, look, LOOK at how He responds. In these months, it's been shown on a short scale. Sometimes it's shown on a longer time period. Let us not grow tired and weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9.
Let us move in Him.
Let us expect more out of the Father and walk in His goodness and love for us today. 
Let us be bamboozled by His awesomeness.
Let us see the world be different.




*Apple, Susie, and "the Great"'s names have all been changed. The Father still knows their English, Chinese, and Heavenly names though too when you Lift for them. :)

Michelle Update

Here is the update I received this afternoon:

This afternoon at the international SOS clinic where Michelle has been going for treatment it was determined that her case is more serious than originally thought and that there is now infection which needs to be dealt with, thus Michelle will be transferring to the Beijing Family United Hospital for a three day stay so that she can have doctors treat her infection and give her round the clock care and attention as needed.

Charity (her team leader) will be returning to Nanchang to help finish up the semester with her team, while the ELIC community will be supporting Michelle in Beijing. (Thankfully all of the full time - take care of people and business people live in Beijing. Smart people they are.)  As you petition for Michelle, please be lifting up her team and family as well.

Request Needed

I just got this email passed along. Michelle is another teacher who is in teaching in Nanchang with our company. It's her first year in China and if I remember correctly was planning on transferring and staying in Asia longer term.
 

I'm a visual person so pictures always help me Lift well.

On Thursday, while cooking in the apartment, Michelle's gas hose to her stove burst.  She received some burns on her stomach, legs, and feet.  Charity took her to the hospital where she received care for the burns and an IV for the infection.  She is now in Beijing so SOS can look at her wounds, redress the bandages, and see what needs to be done from there.

Ask for:
-quick healing
-peace (physical, emotional, spiritual) in the situation
-for supernatural wisdom for her teammates and team leader as they now have to step it up and teach another set of classes as well.
-for the students to be alert, active, excited for English, and well responsive
-for selflessness
-for her parents who want to be there
-for conversations to be blessed and not tarnished
-against discouragement (of Michelle, her team, her students, students she was pouring into)
-against distractions
-against lies and  lack of trust in the Father for not having this
-against end of the year pressure as well
-for grace and love for the school and not anger against them
-for the lives that will be forever changed and impacted because of this
-that this would carry the full weight of Him saving and not be swept away and discredited as other things
-anything else you can think of

We should Ask more...

Quick stories of His impossibilities:

Friday morning as I was rushing to get ready, I remembered my old thought that I had forgotten and was trying to remember and do again. Spend time on your knees. In the rush of my mornings, I often just dont do it or don't count it as important, but I felt Him calling "Seek me." As I began with normal "help this and thats and thank yous" I was struck with the idea of truth. I asked for truth to penetrate. I asked for bigger ideas. For truth to be over the classrooms, to teacher to speak truth, to ask deeper questions, for truth to be heard, understood, studied, and infiltrate the classrooms. I was pumped by the end of this pr and I took off in my day walking in His awesomeness.

Fast forward 5 hours after working in the office, eating lunch with two students and making a quick trip back the apartment for some not so well lunch (no big deal, it just happens here) I'm walking back to the office when I hear the lunchtime radio station. "Man, this sounds like a Family song... this guy kind of sounds like Brandon Heath. Whoever this is sounds pretty cool. I feel like I know this guy, or I'd like this guy." As I got closer I hear the lyrics "There once was a wedding, All the wine was gone, They said He's just a man, That's where it all began" It was only water " It was "Only Water" by Brandon Heath. I dont know who was broadcasting but they're now choosing C-ian songs to play. Awesomeness? YES!  They're picking His music to play over the campus. Let that w.ship music play!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Saturday (today), I had made plans to go out to a coffee shop with two of my students I'm close to. I have gotten to know them and done various activities but we've never had the most important talk. I was upset about this and heartbroken that I'm leaving and never pursued this. I know it's His moving, but I have done a bad job seeking every opportunity to push stuff open. I repented of that, asked for the grace to empower me to do better, and by His strength made plans for today. This morning I spent time pr-ying for our time. I asked for opportunities to talk, good questions, good answers, us to get to be real, and for the strength and desire for me not to give up and take it easy. Help me plow. Let me plow. Let me shoot the gap for doors and bust them open just give me the strength to do it and give me the desire to not coast and take the easy way. 

I met them and we got on the light rail (subway) and headed off for the coffee shop. As they discussed seeing the new Avengers movie last night suddenly the man beside us jumped into our conversation asking what the word "dubbed" meant. Apparently, he had been listening in for the last 7 min. Very strange at first and a hard read off of him. I asked what kind of movies he liked and he mentioned comedies and Jim Carey movies. That lead into the Truman Show where he says "What lessons did you learn from the Truman Show? Lets talk about deeper things." I was surprised and had him answer first as I tried to get on my game and think. He proceeded to explain the fears of mankind of wanting to escape them and explained how it was more of a metaphysical (which most people in America I dont think know that word let alone a Chinese person) representation of us searching for a greater being. He suddenly had taken our morning conversation into the Spiritual realm and we were in deep swimming.

This was the launching point. Later that day, the Father gave opportunities and questions for me to answer only with the Truth. The whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. It was so cool. He laid it out. From how our hearts were meant to be connected with His but we attempt to fill it out relationships, money, jobs, family, even volunteering and good things to the core issue of society being so bad and going downhill. He explained how every other religion says do these things and you'll make the little g - god happy, but the Family says He's a good Dad who loves you whether you do right or not. He's a good Dad who loves you enough to come in and move that junk out of your way and show you how to live the best way you were created for. This kind of blew their mind. I was able to share part of my story and how I've done so much and seen so many things and only One thing is work continually coming back for. They sat their with wide eyes and an open face asking more questions of how they were confused by society and what that looks like. He gave questions that fit perfectly into the previous analogy and the answers to restate that and it just flowed.

At the end they both legitimately thanked me for sharing that with them. It's like someone explained it to them and it made sense and the world was just showed as completely different. They said that Believers in China often don't like to talk about it (which I think it's both they're careful and they're often like us and apathetic or self-conscious about it) so they didn't really know about it. They explained what they thought and through my questioning they had to think harder about it (because I couldn't understand). But they said, "I was afraid to talk to foreigners about this because I didn't think they'd understand - but now I feel like we really know each other and that it's ok and safe to talk this with you. Many times my classmates don't want to think/consider this. They just ignore these unhappinesses. It makes us feel...heavy. But I think, maybe, it's a good thing."

So many awesome things in this conversation. I think he will/I want him to be a believer by the end of the year. He's such a sweet guy with a humble spirit and a broken heart. She's more of a firecracker that needs to burn out a little more to see she can't always be in control and needs something greater. Please lift them up. Let us Lift more for these impossible things. New music sang over the campus and random strangers/angels taking us instantly into a deep conversation for them to hear the whole Gspel and have their hearts resonnate with it.  Lets ask for both them and their classmates and families! Let them all come home! If I would only shut up, listen, and ask more. Sorry for my selfish/pride-fulness. Let them all come home.

What Is Hope?

I had the awesome opportunity to talk with a student from last year. She went to fellowship with us along with another friend of hers. The Teacher talked about how we should seek harmony above money and a job. "Harmony" is the key word for anything in Chinese culture. "Harmony" is where it's at. "Seek Harmony with the Father and with each other" they explained as we began the journey back to school. "How do we seek the harmony/get the harmony?" I asked as the words came out of my mouth before fully processing it.

Silence.

I dont know. They conferred in Chinese and came back with their collective answer. We don't know. The Teacher didn't say. He said the cross brings harmony...but how?

It was really cool to get to ask questions that continued to help them process. Then explain that J is the one who brought harmony. "But how?" They continued to seek. We (Ashley and I) got to tag team it and explain from previous conversations about how we're in an argument with the Father and the Son is the mediator (it's how Chinese do conflict resolution - always a mediator, never direct confrontation - works well to explain the Son.) "Oh, so He took the punishment because of our argument with the Father, so that there can now be harmony? Oh. So now we don't have punishment?"

"If you believe and accept it", we explained. Ashley continued, "Love is two ways, I can love you but you have to receive it. If you dont then you wont get it."

It was awesome to see her track along.

At lunch time Ashley and the other student had to leave so it was just myself and this other student. She brought up a question I had asked her last year, "What is hope? You asked me this before and I didn't know the answer. I still dont know. I want to know." I forgot I had asked but she remembered and the Spirit had kept it alive in her head. "I want to know. Will you tell me what hope is?"

I was able to explain the good news to her explained how hope is trusting in one that you know will come through because He has before and promises to always do.  She went on to explain how sometimes she feels lonely and left out. How she's kind of accepted that this is the way life is. That didn't sit well with me and I began to question that. (More in the next blog entry "We all know of Eden.")  She asked what kind of life I wanted. I explained it didn't really matter where I was at, but I wanted the people around me and everyone I met to know that they were loved and had value because the Father loved them and there was hope. "It's fantastic to know that someone loves you. Ashley always tells me 'G loves you and I love you.' I really like that."

We discussed more and in the end I asked her so, "What is hope?" She replied with an answer that I believe explains her Spiritual walk also, "Hope is a light. It's a tiny light, but if you can see it, it's still there." She was describing the light that she could see at a distance and was beginning to go towards it. I asked "So, what is the light?" She responded that the Teacher said "G is the light. That maybe in hard times or when you face some troubles, you can talk to the G and he will give you some advice and suggestions and comfort you."

"Well put," I thought. "Wait, is that the light for me or for you?"

"For you!" she replied with an obviously overtone.

"What is it for you?"

"I dont know yet. I'm still searching to see what it is."


"Maybe one day you'll find that the light is the same. 


"Maybe."

Grateful for the chance to talk and to share and to share it with you. Thanks for the prs and continued support. It's time for the final kick and He is strong. 

Untold Stories -Part 2

In the past post, I explained that these are stories I dont normally tell for various reasons, but I wanted you to get to rejoice with me and be encouraged and comforted if this is happening to you.

I like to read my Book before I go to bed. I love Gsus dreams. I know He doesn't have to give them to me, but I want to turn my affections and heart towards Him before I go to bed just to prime the canvas in case. Also, it helps me awake with my affections still towards Him and it launches the day better.

After a few days I realized a trend. If I fell asleep with the lamp on next to my bed, I didn't have any weird dreams. If I turned the lamp off before I went to bed, I had really weird, strange dreams. I just figured I was afraid of the dark or something so I just left the light on. A week or so later after talking to my teammates about it one night we remembered that Jesse (my old teammate who I now live in his apartment) used to have nightmares and really bad dreams also. It happened for a few weeks before he started leaving the hallway light on. If the light was on, no nightmares, but if it was off, nightmares.

It wasn't the first time, I've had a kind of "funk" come over me all of a sudden and hit me with depression, a funk, and other things. So I know that evil often tries to attack in this room. There's kind of a spirit of depression, funk, and apathy. No I'm not crazy, just giving you a background to the story (It's in the Book, just not heard in a lot of fellowships).

My teammate Tannah had mentioned we need to just get together in my room and rebuke it and kick it out. I liked that idea, but didn't want to make a big deal out of it (stupid) so we didn't.

Last week, I went to turn on my lamp as I was going to bed and PEWFH. It popped and burnt out. Before I could think or process I heard, "Do you trust me?" I knew what He meant. It was an opportunity for faith. "Do you trust to rebuke it in my name and trust that I will protect you?" I wanted to not make it a big deal so I stared for the kitchen to find another light bulb, then I realized. Wait a second. He's paid for this. I dont have to deal with this. I shouldn't deal with this. Do I trust you? ah....yea? It seems as if I could sense evil waiting outside to rush in as the lights went off and I tried to sleep.

Still fearful, I turned and raised my hands. I rebuked it in J's name and commanded it to go. I spoke His promises over the room and His peace over it because this is a place where He dwells. I invited the Spirit to come bringing more angels for protection and guard me as I slept. I rebuked the Spirit of fear that was causing me not to trust. I rebuked anything in or outside of me that did not stir my affections closer to G. I asked that He would wake me up full of love and stirred affections for Him. (Do I feel like I sound crazy sometimes? Yes. Do I believe the Book is true? Yes. Does it sound crazy when you do it in real life? Yes. Am I still going to do it? Yes.)

As I crawled into bed, still with some fear I began to state my trust to Him. I trust you J. I trust you because you've came through, because you always come through. I trust you because you've never not come through.

The next thing I remember is I rolled over to see the room full of the light of the morning. I woke with complete peace over me and the phrase.

Fear (of lacking) is never a brush to be used to make decisions.
I make all things new again.

How good is the Father. There is power in His name. There is Power In His Name. There is Power In His Name. We will rejoice because we re more than conquerors. Read through Romans 8 sometime and be blown away. It's phenomenal every time I do.

"For the Lord your G is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." - Deut 20:4

Untold Stories

I usually don't tell stories about evil. For a few reasons:
1) I'm afraid you'll think I'm crazy (yes, I'm learning I fear man more)
2) I want to give G the credit and not evil.
3) I dont want the focus to be on evil.
4) I fight the lie that it didn't really happen, it's not that big of deal.
5) I'm afraid you'll dismiss me/the words I say as "one of them"

I realized that if I dont tell you what's going on 1) how can you be praying for us, 2) you aren't edified about what's really going on and growing in a bigger reality of who He is, and 3) when I come home I dont have to dump a lot on you, you can walk with me and learn in the process.

Here are two stores (one today and one tomorrow) I dont normally tell but I want to because they reflect His goodness. Don't walk away looking at this going "oh my gosh, can you believe this?" but instead walk away saying "Man, this is a reality, but G is so much greater."

Spiritual attack is kind of a normal thing. In America we deal with it and it usually looks more like the avoidance technique by evil. They attack but not enough to make you realize they're real. They pass it off as "bad day/bad luck," "just a weird dream," or sometimes "my flesh getting in the way." Where as I still fight with that lie, other times I know they're real so they dont need to tippy-toe but can be more aggressive.

My team and I were lifting one night for different things and I ask specifically for my parents to get to experience some of the supernatural as supernatural so they know what life is like over here and so we can understand each other better. 2o minutes later I get an email from my mom. A co-worker was driving to school and spotted some clouds with her child in the backseat. A cross, an angels wing, a pitchfork, another angels wing, then 3 crosses. What did this mean? The pitchfork was over the angels wing which meant there was a battle going on. My mom started to cry recognizing "my son's in the middle of that battle. I need to pr for him more today." I was quite excited by this email because our prs are being answered and my parents were seeing more of reality.

My thought was, "things dont seem to be that bad. I mean nothing more than normal." Then it hit.

It was a really rough week. One day just seemed to be attacked a lot with lust, then the next day depression, then two days later anger and frustration, then isolation, then extreme apathy and laziness (like I knew it was wrong but the more I tried to move the more tired I got and the more I felt like I was going to throw up). I was just worn down and beat from it. So this day was probably the heaviest because I had been alone all day and painting and lesson planning, listening to messages, and pr - lots of attack and such. I had tried to rebuke whatever it was each day with His name (sometimes I did and it was good - other times I didn't and just put up with it (bad idea)). But after this day that was the worst I had a vision/dream that night as I was falling asleep. I didn't realize the full weight of it until I woke up and wrote started writing it down.

Jesus had a demon by the shirt collar pinned to the ground and said "No.He’s mine. Do you understand? You can’t have him. Now stop it. Got it?” When the demon didn't respond, but kind of looks to the side in avoidance, Jesus tightens His hold around his neck, pulls him a little closer, raises His voice and says, “Got it?!” As the demon nods with a shriveling “yes” in agreeance, Jesus slams Him down and backs up still standing over him.

Had a few other dreams that night, not all good, but the final dream was talking to a counselor about the depression. She shared a story of her life and it all clicked and lifted. No idea what the story was but it was a testimony of hers. The next morning after the last dream, I woke up and there was this weird silence. I could hear the lady upstairs, the cars outside, the washing machine next door, but in my room there was this strange silence. It was so peaceful and quiet. There was peace in this silence. I can't quite explain the noise before but voices mixed with wind/breathing 'ahhhhh' but now it was gone. I didn't realize it until it was gone. As I tried to write about it I just started crying because of the tangible peace resting on me. He's soooo good.

I'm so glad for His faithfulness and His freedom He brings. No attack or fear should be left. He's defeated it all and paid for it all at the cross. Their is power in His name. Don't be afraid to use it. He is always always bigger.