Single & Satisfied?

Hi. My name is Abram and I'm single.

I'll be honest, for most of my life I've struggled with this. I've always wanted a girlfriend. It started out because having a girlfriend was cool in junior high school and in high school it proved you weren't a loser (so I thought). In college, I began to realize a difference idea towards dating that it should be more for a future spouse. Then I felt like I needed a girlfriend to prove that I was mature and growing up. I looked at society and what they say is mature and that meant - having a job, paying your own bills, having your own place, taking care of yourself, settling down, getting a job, house, wife, etc.

I did the anti-"growing up" thing and moved back in with my  parents for a few months while transitioning to come to China. I "have a job" that I have to raise support for (which makes me feel like I'm a kid that I need others to take care of me), I have temporary housing that was set up and provided for me (because I'm a guest/worker for a company/can't speak or talk in Chinese), I can't do most things by myself and always have to ask for help (because I can't speak Chinese), and as far as getting a wife...I made a promise not to date for a year and moved to the other side of the planet where the options were much slimmer even if I did want to.

I'm so glad I did. In relationship realm, I have learned that most of my life this issue has been stuck in not being content and affirmed by what the Father says about me. I've wanted a girl to tell me all the things that He should be. "Wow, you're great. You're awesome. I'm glad you're mine. I'm so proud of you. I love you. I'm not letting go. I'll always be here. I want to show you off. I want to sit and talk for ever. I want to be showered by your love. You're mine." It's someone to come home to at the end of the day and share life with. Someone to encourage when they're down. Someone to think of little surprises and ways to love them throughout their day. Someone to text about how class went or to make sure they made it when traveling safely. I realize these are all good things coming from the right person, and many of them we've worked through and learned how to take responsibility, what a relationship is actually supposed to look like, and learning to pursue a woman for her growth not your pleasure, but still have more to work through and some I don't even know yet, but that's okay.

This year in the process, I learned a few things that was encouragement for me. To save time, we'll put it this way. Many times I feel like G just puts ideas in my head that I dont really think about. Many times they're ways to encourage our Sisters. This semester the girls had a slumber party so as the guys we got together, dressed up, and took them flowers with a poem we wrote them. Some guys were tracking along, some guys had never heard of this idea before. One of the guys is engaged, so they expected something kind of like that from him - but it was an encouragement to them and perhaps to the other guys of how to step it up and as a single guy this is what we can be doing in the waiting. If I was interested in one of the girls it would have been tainted motivation. If I was dating someone it would have been ruled out, but just plain Fatherly affection flowing to our sisters gave the girls hope in the character or guys and a challenge to the guys of what we can do be doing as singles. (This is not a boasting time, this is because other guys have shown this to me, my parents raised me well, and G's wants to love people better than I can think.)

Essentially, the point is similar to singing. I want to be able to sing well. I want to sing loud to Him and for Him. I want to be able to sing for my wife. For a long time, I didn't sing out in w.ship because I could hear myself and it was embarrassing. When all the people who can sing and singing beside you it makes you super aware of how bad you're singing is. Lately, He's shared with me that even though I can't sing well, when I sing out to Him it gives others the freedom to openly express themselves no matter how good or bad it sounds.  - As with dating, I might not be there yet but going full force shows others what it means to go full force. Even though I would rather have a girlfriend/singing abilities, He wants me to use what I have now and in my lacking it shows that you don't need "everything" to serve and love well. When you go/serve/love/step out in your imperfection it challenges and encourages others to do the same and not wait until everything's in tune to go.

So at times the point I make and still struggle saying everyday is "if my singleness/rough singing will encourage other women in their hope for men, other men to step it up, and both to sing out to you no matter how it sounds, I'll be single and sing bad for the rest of my life." It'd be really cool if I could, but if not, I want to be used to encourage others along the way.

(I share all of this in case your single and frustrated or lonely...and "waiting patiently" but still antsy. Just wanted to encourage you that you're not the only one, but here's some encouragement that the Father has shown me that I know He can and wants to do in your life too.)