For my name's sake... (future plans)

Have you ever prayed so emphatically but accidentally. Well, in case you haven't, I have. To be more specific we should probably use the phrase "ignorantly" rather than accidentally.

It's June 6, I leave my city in 17 days - two and a half weeks. "what are you doing next year?" people ask as I excitedly get to tell them "I'm going to go study the Book! I want to learn more about Yesu." oh, where are you going?" haha...well...I don't know yet. It's the beginning of May so I'm still ok but pressed a bit. Wait, no it's beginning of June. I'm used to finishing college in May not June (for students it's July- we leave early). So it's even more of a crunch.

Am I worried? Yes. Do I feel immature? Yes. Do I feel irresponsible? Yes. Do I have cold sores in my mouth to prove it? Yes, multiple ones for multiple weeks. Have I looked at schools? Yes. Have I found the right one? No. Does that bother me? Yes. Am I going home in about two weeks? Yes. Shouldn't I know by now? I would think so. Is it to late to apply? I hope not (some schools it is, others it's not). What happens if it's too late for this semester? I have no idea - I'm expecting it to be. So, when will you know? I dont know! I thought a month or so at least! I know this doesn't seem like that big of deal when it's not your life - but seeing how it's mine, it's a big deal to me. I feel isolated, unable to process, and feel like I'm behind, always behind on everything.

As I began explaining things and processing them out with a teammate a few nights ago (a.k.a. verbally vomiting all my unprocessed junk from the past few months) we struck gold... or at least the cause of it all. Back to the original paragraph. Gen 12:1-4 "The Lord said to Abram, "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you...So Abram left, as the Lord had told him..."  Maybe that didn't strike you as interesting, but I was amazed by that. He told him to go to a place he had no idea where, but just pack up all he had and go... Abram didn't even get a direction to start heading in. But his response was, "So Abram left." Man, I want to be like that. Make me like that. I want to just go when you say go. 

There it was. That was it. Started in high school when I first read that. I had no intentions of actually leaving the country. I didn't even mean it, really. I mean I did, but I had no idea what I was thinking. Since then He's been growing my trust in Him. In high school I found out in January that I was going to Concord in August (7 months to prepare, adapt, adjust, plan.). At the end of Concord University my time was getting close and I found out in April I was coming to China (4 months to prepare, adapt, adjust, plan, support raise, transition.) Now that I'm in China my time is coming to an end (2 weeks) and I believe I'll be starting school in August (2 months to transition, apply, get accepted, find housing, place to stay, etc.)  I never thought about packing up all my stuff into my car and driving into a new town to go to college without a place to stay for the night or semester. Essentially, that's what Abraham (Abram) did. Except he had his family too... and a ton of livestock and servants to go with him. Yet, he trusted Him to provide. No wonder he's credited with so much faith!

I find myself (a simpler, modern day Abram) being transformed into the King by way of Abraham the one who walked by Faith even when He didn't know and it wasn't practical or logical or even wise. At the end of  our conversation my teammate stopped me when I said, "I just feel so immature and irresponsible, like I dont have my life together and I'm a slacker." She responded, "You're waiting on G to provide you the college He wants you to go to, while loving and serving Him where you are, and searching when you can and he tells you to and you feel like you're lives not together and your irresponsible?" I had to think about it for a min before I caught what she was saying.

It's good to be "responsible" but you can't argue with being Bookical. We walk by faith and not by sight, plans, wisdom, or hopefully college application deadlines and fees. I want to see the Book stories come to life now. I said one and many times again expecting glory not necessarily myself to be waiting and trusting so much. I'm glad I said it, and I'm glad He trusts Him more than I do. I dont want to be behind, but I will wait for as long as possible - (but I'd like to know where and when pretty soon.) So I guess even more now, I'm being made into my name's sake... I want to be more like that, by His grace and His fruit in me, I will be...

"Abram believed G and it was credited to him as righteousness." - Romans 4:3