And sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I just forget that He's good.
Cognitively I could tell you that, usually,
but in my inner being often forgets that idea.
Deep down inside, my inner core doesn't scream out
"You're just so, so, ....so good" each day.

I think my forgetfulness comes in times of sacrifice.
On days of fasting, and my mind considers food more than Him.
When He asks us to stay in from going out or hanging out to spend time with Him.
When looking at pictures and thinking how much "easier" life used to be.
When you think of how much more "control" and "say" you had in your life.
In times of blind growing, (when you know He's working, but you have no idea what's going on.)

It's in these times my mind and my soul forgets how to say
"You're just so, so good."
but instead usually has the thought of
"What the crap?!" "Again?!"

Here's where it turns - why does He do this?
Because of Love.

Do we realize that He is good and nothing but good?
Everything He does is perfectly good.
The best part is it's also all done out of Love.
Better yet, LOVE FOR US!
Love... for me.

Like a Father helps raise His child not letting him hit other boys with sticks, throw temper tantrums, eat ice cream for breakfast each day - so the Father disciplines and grows us up. We see the child as obviously wrong, but we have such a more righteous view of our actions - based upon our own childlike mentality. When we fast and feel that pain and frustration - we're actually detoxing from other drugs rather than His love - but in the end He wants us to be healthy and thriving rather than stalled and

He asks us to stay in because He's jealous for us. He's tired of us walking out on Him and being so busy with work, and entertainment, and friends that He doesn't get to just spend time hanging out with us and loving us. Can we fully expect the Creator of all good things to express all that He has towards us in a 5-10 min devotional each morning? If your husband/wife only told you they liked you or loved you or talked to you for 10 min each day, you might be pretty upset. We actually limit ourselves from experiencing His love because we just don't stop and have J dates.

When I think of all I've given up or am giving up, when I see the past as so much more enticing, it's probably because I'm looking back and not forwards. Sometimes you have no view of forwards, just the next step or next 15 min. We miss the big scale promises - this will make you look more like J. This is going to free you more. This is part of every nation coming back to it's heritage. This part of little boys and little girls running home and finding their Big Ole Dad running with open arms to meet them at the gate. It's part of a worldwide chorus coming together for a massive symphony of explosive noise yet with delicate harmonies and multitudes of voices raised in awe.

But sometimes I forget this.

I forget that He's good. That He works all things together for good.
That He's in control and really that's better.
That my sacrifice is ultimately for my good because He knows whats next in line.
It's that turning of ideas from "have to" and "get to."
Have to fast today - get to spend the day letting Him tell me how He loves me and helping clean up my cuts, wounds, and make me more flexible.
Have to go talk to someone - get to learn more about how much He loves them/me in the process
Have to Pr each day - get to talk to the Creative Genius and Royal King of the nations.
Have to read - get to understand mysteries that philosophers and scientists have been trying to crack for centuries
Have to share/do something awkward - get to not care about what others think
Have to stay in - get to rest from striving and expectations

Sometimes I forget that it's because of His Love that we live and move and have our being.
It's because of His Love we are being restored - cleaned up - grown - detoxified.
It's because of His Love we can't go back to our previous ways.

It's because of His Love... always His Love.
His Love...for me.