I feel as if in America we have so many voices telling us so many things. Often very subtly. But so many soft mumbling voices can easily block the voice of God from coming through.
Especially when we’re not looking for Him as heavily or as devotedly.
I think we think that there are many unbiased facts that we just take in throughout the day, none of which are completely unbiased. Either they themselves have a slant or our attitude towards them has a slant.
VOICES
TV:
I didn’t realize how much the news had in it until I was away from it for a year (living in china) and coming back I heard it new all over again. I also taught English so my mind is subconsciously aware of language used, pronunciation, idioms, etc that I need to be aware of in the future. As I studied his language, the vocabulary used and chosen, I quickly found I was very surprised by the extra messages they were sending beyond “just the facts.” This is just the news which is supposed to be unbiased, but when you add in tv shows, movies, and everything else you see on tv that is created and scripted with the specific intent to convey a certain specific message to you then that adds a huge other layer of voices.
I didn’t realize how much the news had in it until I was away from it for a year (living in china) and coming back I heard it new all over again. I also taught English so my mind is subconsciously aware of language used, pronunciation, idioms, etc that I need to be aware of in the future. As I studied his language, the vocabulary used and chosen, I quickly found I was very surprised by the extra messages they were sending beyond “just the facts.” This is just the news which is supposed to be unbiased, but when you add in tv shows, movies, and everything else you see on tv that is created and scripted with the specific intent to convey a certain specific message to you then that adds a huge other layer of voices.
External Media:
The more foreigners we saw, the louder the voices got. Standing in the Atlanta airport, I confessed to my teammates that I was afraid of all the voices that I was already hearing. (I’m not saying they’re not in China, but I’m saying they’re in a different language and in a different cultural setting (so they’re not fitted for my perception skills) so I’m not picking them up as heavily. From words on the signs, to the pictures on them, to the way people dress, and treat each other. It’s all adding a cacophony of voices to the mix. Some are about fashion about what’s cool and you should be cool but without saying it that blatantly, subtly putting it in your thought as if you were the one to think it.
The more foreigners we saw, the louder the voices got. Standing in the Atlanta airport, I confessed to my teammates that I was afraid of all the voices that I was already hearing. (I’m not saying they’re not in China, but I’m saying they’re in a different language and in a different cultural setting (so they’re not fitted for my perception skills) so I’m not picking them up as heavily. From words on the signs, to the pictures on them, to the way people dress, and treat each other. It’s all adding a cacophony of voices to the mix. Some are about fashion about what’s cool and you should be cool but without saying it that blatantly, subtly putting it in your thought as if you were the one to think it.
Memory:
I never thought about this one until my house. There’s a lot of voices that come from memory. An item, a surrounding, even foods and smells spark up memories that your brain has trained itself to know how to react. Living in China, everything is new and everything has to be taken in and processed each time – even things you may have done 5 or 10 times before – it’s usually not enough to have a strong memory. I see my old football jersey hanging on my wall and I’m instantly taken back to high school where I was more backward and shy. I felt overwhelmed by too many things and that no one really seemed to like me for me and each day was a struggle to try to be me but who they wanted me to be and…. Then without knowing it, all the thought patterns start to creep back in. Where is my new mind that’s been transformed in the process? That’s with one article of clothing – imagine a room full of things saturated with memories and emotions screaming out your old life. Some boast good memories of a simple life where you wish you could just go back and relax and chill and see everyone again – others haunt you with mental chains and a life of sin that you don’t want to go back to. Either way a room full of voices remind me of my old life both easy and comfortable and difficult and straining.
I never thought about this one until my house. There’s a lot of voices that come from memory. An item, a surrounding, even foods and smells spark up memories that your brain has trained itself to know how to react. Living in China, everything is new and everything has to be taken in and processed each time – even things you may have done 5 or 10 times before – it’s usually not enough to have a strong memory. I see my old football jersey hanging on my wall and I’m instantly taken back to high school where I was more backward and shy. I felt overwhelmed by too many things and that no one really seemed to like me for me and each day was a struggle to try to be me but who they wanted me to be and…. Then without knowing it, all the thought patterns start to creep back in. Where is my new mind that’s been transformed in the process? That’s with one article of clothing – imagine a room full of things saturated with memories and emotions screaming out your old life. Some boast good memories of a simple life where you wish you could just go back and relax and chill and see everyone again – others haunt you with mental chains and a life of sin that you don’t want to go back to. Either way a room full of voices remind me of my old life both easy and comfortable and difficult and straining.
There’s also the non-emotional memories that just are …memories: bacon cheeseburger, going to Walmart, spotting a yard-sale, the grass between your toes, having options of where you could go for the day. All of these things send signals to the brain surging back ideas, thoughts, memories, and together… more voices.
Expectations:
I have expectations for people, I know they do of me. It’s how we cope, prepare, understand, adapt, live. I have expectations of myself (which I’m trying to surrender and let them be transformed into His expectations). I also know I have expectations from my parents, my brother, my fellowship, my friends, people in my neighborhood…etc. What was he like before? How did he change? Does he speak Chinese? Can he use chopsticks? Will he bow when he sees us? They try to figure things out and either 1) assume how I’ve changed and expect me to fit in there or 2) expect me to be exactly the same. I’m not saying it’s bad, I do it to, I think we all do but there again more voices. Also, expectations of what I will do in the day - I like to spend some good quality quiet time in the mornings and finish whenever I'm done. Except with a screwed up sleep schedule, I wake up at 11:30am or 2:30pm (accidentally) and when I'm done with my quiet time it's already 12:30-4:30pm and that's over most of the day is gone and I can feel the expectations of people to do things with me or for me or that I should do them. Which is fine and ok, but I keep oversleeping and then want to please them because they've helped me out so much, but my quiet time isn't in yet so everythings off. —This is where the fear of man comes in and really have to shed this one off asap because otherwise I find myself running around trying to chase expectations and please everyone rather than be me and who He calls me to be for the day.
I have expectations for people, I know they do of me. It’s how we cope, prepare, understand, adapt, live. I have expectations of myself (which I’m trying to surrender and let them be transformed into His expectations). I also know I have expectations from my parents, my brother, my fellowship, my friends, people in my neighborhood…etc. What was he like before? How did he change? Does he speak Chinese? Can he use chopsticks? Will he bow when he sees us? They try to figure things out and either 1) assume how I’ve changed and expect me to fit in there or 2) expect me to be exactly the same. I’m not saying it’s bad, I do it to, I think we all do but there again more voices. Also, expectations of what I will do in the day - I like to spend some good quality quiet time in the mornings and finish whenever I'm done. Except with a screwed up sleep schedule, I wake up at 11:30am or 2:30pm (accidentally) and when I'm done with my quiet time it's already 12:30-4:30pm and that's over most of the day is gone and I can feel the expectations of people to do things with me or for me or that I should do them. Which is fine and ok, but I keep oversleeping and then want to please them because they've helped me out so much, but my quiet time isn't in yet so everythings off. —This is where the fear of man comes in and really have to shed this one off asap because otherwise I find myself running around trying to chase expectations and please everyone rather than be me and who He calls me to be for the day.
The other thing besides behavior is expectations for activity. Waking up at a certain time, joining in certain activities, things I have to do now that I’m back from China, things I have to do before I go back to China, to-do lists, catching up with people, thanking people, etc. I’m not saying these are bad things but they are more voices and more things I have to think about that potentially block the signal from Him.
Him:
I guess this is ultimately what I want to be hearing – who I want to be hearing from. With many of these other things either 1) not as evident or present, or 2) in another language and easy to tune out I found His voice to be much louder and confident in it while in China. I want it to be loud though. I want when I read about who He is, who He really is, for it to change the way I think about Him, the way I expect Him to act, and the circumstances of my day to shift around what I just read rather than Him just be slotted into the first hour or two that I’m awake. Activities, attitudes, and relationships should shift and bend and be restructured in the way I expect, think, and consider them after my time with Him realizing who He is. There should be a peace and a confidence that it is all ok, somehow, He is in charge and it will all be taken care of – rather than scratching , pondering, frustrated, using the bathroom –nervous, attempted problem solving for hours. I don’t think that stuff should be as prevalent. I think if we really realized, if I really realized who He is and all that He is, I wouldn’t do as much but I’d confidently turn and wholeheartedly turn and pray that God would change the situation or change me to fit the situation in common or supernatural impossible ways, then turn and evaluate which one just changed that we could proceed in.
I guess this is ultimately what I want to be hearing – who I want to be hearing from. With many of these other things either 1) not as evident or present, or 2) in another language and easy to tune out I found His voice to be much louder and confident in it while in China. I want it to be loud though. I want when I read about who He is, who He really is, for it to change the way I think about Him, the way I expect Him to act, and the circumstances of my day to shift around what I just read rather than Him just be slotted into the first hour or two that I’m awake. Activities, attitudes, and relationships should shift and bend and be restructured in the way I expect, think, and consider them after my time with Him realizing who He is. There should be a peace and a confidence that it is all ok, somehow, He is in charge and it will all be taken care of – rather than scratching , pondering, frustrated, using the bathroom –nervous, attempted problem solving for hours. I don’t think that stuff should be as prevalent. I think if we really realized, if I really realized who He is and all that He is, I wouldn’t do as much but I’d confidently turn and wholeheartedly turn and pray that God would change the situation or change me to fit the situation in common or supernatural impossible ways, then turn and evaluate which one just changed that we could proceed in.
I think one of the greatest ways to tell where I am is when I read the Psalms. Are they words on the page or do they stir something inside of me. Is it a nice poem, or does fear and awe fill my body? Do I really believe it, or can I read the words with it not changing me, my thought process, or attitude?
Are these things other voices bad? Maybe. Maybe not. Right now I’m going to keep spending time with Him and pleading that He keeps me close to Him and helps me follow Him. (I find that it’s in the little whispers throughout the day that keep me close – or it’s the thoughts that I knew in China to be true that might not be as compelling in America : TV not a good idea, very few movies, don’t overeat (check your stomach not your mouth), quiet time first thing in the morning (people and breakfast can wait). Right now this is what I’m going to do. If it gets worse later, I’ll probably do some more cleaning of memories, expectations, habits, and whatever else He shows me that I can get rid of to silence the voices. I think starting the day and getting connected early then constantly checking in throughout the day to stay connected will do a great deal. But whatever it is – I only want one voice to be the one that moves me, directs me, causes me to act, and motivates me and that voice is His.
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