How to tell I’m not from around here…anymore

I mentioned to you earlier that my teammate Danielle went taught in another school in China last year then went home for a semester and then came back to join our team. She recently blogged about things that foreigners do when we come back to the states. Here is her blog post which is hilarious to me (because it's all true) so I wanted to share it with you.
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This past Fall while I was transitioning home after being in China for a year, I was surprised at some of the strange things I did. Every person is different, but if you’ve lived in China for an extended length of time, chances are you’ve experienced one of the below points. Or, if you are planning on heading back to America soon, this is a taste of what you might experience. OR if you by chance run into me this summer, please don’t judge me if I do one of the following:

1. I use poor English or Chinglish.

Ironically, since becoming an English teacher, my English has gotten worse. I will use simple words. I will use strange/incorrect grammar. I will speak Chinglish. I will make jokes in Chinglish that no one else will understand. And I’ll probably laugh at my own lame jokes, and then try to explain it to you, which will only make it more confusing and awkward.

2. I forget lots of words while I’m talking.

(This IS different from number 1.) When I first got home last year, I would forget a word about every other sentence. I’d be in the middle of talking and would have to stop and try to describe a word because I couldn’t remember even simple words. For example, “Then I had to find an outlet to put the…what’s that thing called? You know, it’s attached to a cord and goes into the wall?.. Oh, right. Plug.” I expect this again this year. This is because I’ve been speaking English with students who are still learning English vocabulary. The other Americans I talk to regularly throughout my time in China are in the same boat as me, so our English has been getting progressively worse together.

3. I forget to tip.

I’m sorry. I feel awful about this. Remind me if you see me do this. No one tips in China; it’s just not part of the culture.

4. I speak slowly and over enunciate.

I’m sorry if I use my teacher voice on you.

5. I get really excited about seemingly normal things.

Like Target. Or Turkey avocado sandwiches. Or really big dogs. I’ve been away for a year and haven’t seen these things for a while. Sometimes, I’ll realize the amount of excitement I am expressing for something (food or a store, especially) might seem odd, so then I’ll tell people around me that I don’t know (ie: the clerk or people waiting in line behind me) that I’m so excited because I just got back from China, yay! Sometimes people think this is endearing; sometimes they don’t. I will over-share regardless.

6. I get easily distracted when other conversations are going on.

After a year of not understanding most of what is going on around me unless I really focus, I can suddenly understand EVERTHING that EVERYONE is saying ALL AROUND ME. It’s overwhelming, and I accidentally eavesdrop on people just because I automatically pick up on the English. Also, I’ve spent the past year having private conversations with other foreigners in very public places because no one can understand us. So there are times I might say something inappropriate or personal for all to hear. Oops. Sorry.

7. I can’t make a decision!

I’m used to going to a store where almost everything is in Chinese. This limits my options usually since I don’t want to accidentally buy bleach instead of dish soap. However, when I’m in America, I suddenly have aisles and aisles of choices because everything is in English! I may get overwhelmed, and I may ask you to help me pick out toothpaste.

8. I fail miserably at making small talk.

This is a big one. I apologize if you run into me while I’m home this summer and I made you feel awkward because my lack of small talk skills. I used to be great at it, but China has ruined me. Here, my small talk is usually with students, and while many of them have good English and can have serious discussions about many topics, they have yet to master the art of small talk. Plus, I think I freak my students out when they see me outside of class, so they get really nervous.

My small talk for the past year has usually looked something like this:
Student: “Hello teacher/danier/daniel/dania/danni”
Me: “Hi Mary, how are you?”
Student: “I’m going to the dining hall.”
Me:“Oh, okay, that’s good.”
Student: “Have you eaten?” or “Where are you going?”
Me:“Yes, I just finished lunch.” or “I’m going to my office.”
Student: “Okay, I will go.”
Me: “Okay. See you later. Bye!”
Student: “See you! Bye-bye!”

If you run into me and we start chatting, I might ask you where you are going, or if I realize this is a strange thing to ask in America, I might panic and start explaining where I’m going or what I’m doing even though you didn’t ask me. Then, when the conversation should be over, I will probably either A) abruptly end it because I can’t remember how to end it otherwise, or B) keep talking (most likely in Chinglish) hoping you will end it since I can’t remember how to.

So, if you are about to return to Meiguo(America), give yourself some time to adjust. If you are the loved one of a recent China returnee, please cut us some slack and laugh at our bad jokes and don’t get mad when we speak to you in our teacher voices.


For more of Danielle's bloggings, check out: http://danielleinchina.tumblr.com/