So if you say Thailand to someone in China, 8 out 10 times they'll laugh and say "oh, lady-boy." A lady-boy is essentially a guy cross-dressed into a female prostitute. But this isn't something they do on the weekends, this is their lifestyle. They are to the point that some of them are more attractive than the girl prostitutes their with. So much of the time, you can't tell whether it's a boy or a girl until you hear him/her speak or you look for the Adams apple. It's not sick, it's not perverted, it's not funny, and it's not something to go make a billboard sign over - it's sad. I mean it is a few of those things, but ultimately, it sucks. Most of these boys are forced into it at a young age or they're searching for their identity in these villages and this is a way out when they come up with questions. Most of the time - it's not their choice, it's something instilled into/onto them from an early age.
Ok, so let me set the scene. Our hotel was very nice but on the corner of the street that if you walked about 5-10 min down one direction, you were walking through the gauntlet of it all. I can't begin to tell you the shame, frustration, anger, heart-brokenness, weakness, and so many other things I felt in this area... well I can but it would take much longer and take away from the main point - maybe another post another time. We're sitting near the edge of this main street at a Mike's Burgers (which if you haven't had western food in a long time and get the chance for a bacon cheeseburger with fries - dang man. WOW! I drooled on myself just looking at it and I was ok with it.) but there was a side alley beside it where there tables were and the alley lead to a row of bars filled with ladies willing to "keep you company."
It was about 8pm and we were finishing up dinner. I saw one girl walk by from the bars out to the edge of the street to start her "sales pitch" I saw another one walk by which, I think was a guy. Man, my heart just broke. I sat there and just felt pain and brokenness for these guys and girls. I looked over at Kelsey (sitting across the table who had the same look of pain on her face, with her eyes closed and hand on Tannah,) Calling up for help silently. I felt like that was a good idea to, so I asked: "what do I do? what can I do? what should I do? This sucks. I know you know this sucks, but I'm just saying it, this sucks. What can I do? What do I do?" After a few minutes, I looked up at Kelsey and just admitted, "I don't know what to do." She shook her head in agreement of our uncertainty. "Well," she said, "we can go talk to them and Lift them up. Maybe no one has before." I agreed it was a good idea and we both had our minds set on the second one who we'll just go ahead and assume was a lady-boy. We waited and waited for him/her to walk back out so we could talk. As I waited, I began to shake a little with nervousness. (Oh crap, what happens when she does come back out? What am I gonna say? What can I say? What should I say? I really have nothing to say, but I feel like I should do something?) Another street vendor walked by and tried to sell me yet another bundle of flowers (it was Valentines day), I started to smile and wave her off like the last 8 who tried it, but then a gentle thought went through my head. (Love) (Love her, give her flowers and show her you love her and not for her body). Well, ok. I can do that. After all, that would give me at least 30 seconds of something to talk about.
She still didn't come back out. ... "well, lets go see if we can find her...him. um... yeah." We got up and Kelsey and I began to walk back through there while the other two stayed behind and just lifted us up and whatever was about to happen. (I'd like to say I proudly walked back through there with His love wafting off of me, and His light glowing around me, I touched people and they were healed, or at least they looked into my eyes and saw a broken compassion for them... ok but no the reality of it was this, I was shaking. Physically shaking. Worse than public speaking in front of hundreds of people. I was walking down an alley of bars with prostitutes hanging out on the edges waiting for me to make a move and I was looking for a certain one to say. . . . something to. I had no idea what to say. No clue what to do or how to do it. I didn't know if I'd find her or where even I should look if I did find her and tried to talk to her. But I felt like I should do it and that it made more sense to do it than not to do it. So somehow I found myself in a quick step back of reality, walking down an alley way looking for a prostitute with flowers in hand and my vocabulary left back with the greasy napkin.) I turned back to Kelsey and made my nervous joking comment, "never really went looking for a prostitute before.. ha.. ha.. uh. yeah."
We walked back through and I wanted to look as if I was on a mission to find her rather than I was just carousing my options. We couldn't find her. So we stood at the back of this strip of bars into a bigger opening with more of the same types of businesses. Bumfuzzled. I literally stood there looking like a scared little boy. "Ok... now what?" I asked. "what do I do now? I can't find her. Do I leave? No. Do I just talk to someone else? Not quite. Do I ... what do I do?" No answer as I just waited for Him to highlight someone. Someone to come get us or Him to move somehow so that we knew how to move. "Ok, you're going to have to just point someone out or have someone come over or something." That 45 seconds to 90 seconds that we stood there just waiting seemed like it had to have been like 7 or 8 min. I want to throw the flowers in the air and run out like a little kid from a haunted house, but I just gripped them tighter and tried to wait.
Eventually a girl in a yellow shirt motioned us over. "Ok. we'll go here. Thanks." We sat down and there was that long silence and stare of, "ok...now what?" Finally, it just came out of my mouth, "what your name?" I exchanged mine then, "Can I pr for you?" "Hu?" was her response with a smile. Didn't translate. I tried gesturing back and forth and up and down as to explain, "can I ask Him to help you with anything?" She didn't quite understand still so another girl came over to help. After reexplaining myself, she looked at me and then pointed to the first girl and said, "her?" "Yeah!" I thought, "ok, she understands I want to pr for her." "Ok, where do you want to take her?" she responded. Oh crap. I think my gestures weren't very clear and somehow were misinterpreted as I wanted to buy her for the evening. I quickly shook my head no no no no! Then, with my confusion scowl turned to Kelsey beside me for assistance and hoping that she would speak up and it wouldn't be as much of a proposition anymore. The bar mom came over to help translate the issue and she understood that 4 letter "pr" word. She translated it to the girls, and with a sigh, their shoulders dropped and they turned and walked away.
Well, I was now out of flowers (I had given them to the girl who just turned and put them on the counter - not quite what I had in mind for them.) still didn't have any words to say and felt like our mission had just kind of went kaput. I was about to successfully claim that "well, we were obedient and tried" but yet scurry out of there before He threw out any other options, but before I got to that point I guess I noticed the bartender. The next thing I knew, I was standing next to him talking to him. Suddenly, the wave of peace and energy and all the right words and just groove came over me and I felt much more comfortable. I talked with him for a few minutes and asked if there's anything I could ask the J-man to help him with. Any issues or problems or bad things? He said I could ask for help for his dad to stop drinking. "Yeah, yeah sure. I can do that." After we lifted that up, I wanted to keep talking to him to further the relationship and show him it wasn't just a come in on our high horse, pr and roll out. So we kept talking. Turns out he's a watercolor artist. That's right. A watercolor artist. I'm an art major. I took watercolor less than a year ago. How appointed was this conversation. We talked art a little bit and he told me his website. He had to go so I asked if he'd be back the next day and he said yes. So I told him I'd be back.
I checked out his website the next day and found out that, he's not too bad. He's still a student but his teacher is phenomenal. I also learned that he used to be a Buddhist monk but has given that up to pursue other interests. I also learned that the day before was his birthday. We all got together and tried to find a sketchpad for to doodle or sketch ideas for his watercolor in but the best we could find in the area was just a small hard cover lined notepad. When we went back, we wished him a "Happy Birthday" and gave him his present. Didn't quite seem to care, but we just wanted to love him anyway. We talked a little bit and he gave us free cokes. He went to go get food so I went with him and got some too but not really any good conversation. I was just there loving him or trying to. Not sure how, but I knew I should be there and something was going on. One good thing was when we asked him how he was doing he said, "better." So I'm not sure what that meant, but I think I know that someone was getting some Lovin'.
I feel like it was the type of relationship that if I was close-by, I'd go back all the time (with my back to the street and everything else) but just go back there to talk with him. Even though he didn't really want to talk, I'd just sit there until he wanted to and let him know how much I loved him. But I'm not. I trust that the good work He started in him would be brought to completion and I'm glad he used us in the process. His name is Worawuth (but he introduce himself as "Woot" which is much easier to digest and remember).
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| Tannah, Woot, and Kelsey |
I almost didn’t tell you this story because I don’t want it to sound like I’m bragging. (and part of me is kind of proud of it but shouldn’t be) but I wanted to tell you because man I was freaked out, shaking, and started walking without any words to say or knowing what to do. Shoot, I got there and still didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I sat down and stared back and forth at her and our girls blankly like I was a little kid lost and forgot how to talk. But He is the one who showed up, He is the one who put words in our mouths, He is the one who loved them, He is the one who brought that girl to us to lead us there. I wanted to tell this story for His names sake, and to encourage you to do the same. Obviously, prostitution maybe and probably isn’t the best way to go at it, but that it’s alright to not have the words or to be afraid or freaked out or clueless. Shoot, I botched up the process 3 or 4 times before it started to go well, but His grace and plan was stronger than my lack of words or ability to get it right. His grace had more power there than my wrong gestures and messed up. It’s all Him and I want you to see that and to go shaking out into public to love people. I mean it’s His name at stake not yours. He’ll show up and defend it and if not, well it’s Him not you losing face. It was a great few nights of being completely empty and broken and useless but still getting to see Him love people. He’s pretty cool like that.
Thanks for sharing. Love the story and great to hear how you are doing.
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