Just Enough.

I don't want to say more than I should or go off and sound like I've got it all figured out. But I did want to share something. I saw this video clip on Youtube of Francis Chan (solid man) just talking a 2 min clip about a passage. 

Francis Chan Video Clip

Afterwords, I thought about a song "Counting on G" by the Desperation Band. One line in the song says, "[I want] Just enough strength to live for the day". I thought about that and some of my own experience with some other friends experience along with this passage from Proverbs. I thought about how He has given us just enough for the day and sometimes not anymore than we need so at the end of the day, we are spent. I've had a few of these days/weeks where I just wanted to collapse at the end of the day and think, "Man, I've got nothing else." While processing this out with a friend, I thought that "daily bread" does not mean or gaurntee that we live in excess of anything including strength, energy, food, or monetary riches - but that it's always enough. It might not be enough for what we want, but in the end it is and was always was enough.  At the end of the day, don't you want to know that all that you had you spent? I want to collapse across the Finish Line knowing that I gave it all I had and had nothing left...

Today I'm going to thank Him for having "just enough" to complete the task that was set before me for today.
Just enough strength and energy. Just enough patience and love. Just enough fight and rest. Just enough food and water. Just enough mercy and restraint. Just enough forgivness and grace. and Just enough fire and zeal to make it through the day.




P.S. Just enough is not a bad thing. It's a good thing. It shows the amount of control that He's in and proves that it's always enough, even when it doesn't seem to be enough.

See Him like you do.

I wrote this Nov 30, but didn't get it posted so here it is now:

Some days in China are just pretty super. Today was one of those days. I got a package from one of my good friends who gave me permission to go ahead and open it and so this morning I did. It was pretty awesome. Milk and cookies and directions of how to open them and share them.

I had a good time with G in the morning and had set aside a certain aspect of my day that I wanted to promise to Him. I didn’t quite understand why or how to explain it if anyone asked, but I felt the urge to do it today and just trust that because the Book says so, we should.

First class went pretty well. Tuesdays, I start my new lesson for the week so it’s usually “8:00am Tuesday -give the new lesson. 10:00am Tuesday – rewrite my new lesson plan.” Haha. That’s only been like one time, but I do go back through and edit, fix, tweak, and think through parts better afterwards. As I was about to finish it up I planned on spending some time with Him then doing/finishing my other lesson plan for English Corner after lunch…before the English Corner. But the assistant dean’s assistant came in and told me that my rescheduled class was mistakenly at the wrong time and asked if I could do it this afternoon. …. Sure.  So I finished up the reviewing of the lesson. Broke out the good book and started doing some reading. (I know, logically not the first choice of time management – but it’s starting to become more of a habbit.) I had some good time then and started to understand more and just dive in more.

Then I went to lunch with my students. (I’m making them all eat lunch with me at some point so they practice their English and they won’t be as nervous in class, and so I can get to know them a little better. But that means 180+ students, 4 students at a time, is lunch and atleast one dinner 5 days a week for 7 weeks. We’re in week 5 now, I think. It started out really good and intentional, but after a few weeks of having the same conversations and getting sick and all the students blurring together, it wasn’t my greatest effort.)  But today… He showed up.

“I believe in G, but I don’t like reading the Book” were the first words that came out of her mouth. After a few minutes of the normal awkward silence, I was working through small talk conversation starters in my head that would work well, but then she just up and dropped this bomb on me. I just smiled and started thanking Him. “Oh! Ok. Good to know” were the words I think that flopped out of my mouth. “Do you think that it is important or useful for us to read?” she continued.

“Yeah. I love reading the Book. It tells us what we’re here for. It tells us what life is about. It tells us how much He loves us. It tells us what will happen when we die. It tells us a lot.” They all looked at each other as if it was the “Oh crap, what the heck did he just say? He was talking way too fast and I don’t know those words.” But instead I heard, “Oh! It seems like it’s very important.”  A few “co-insidences” with Family member students stopping by to help translate which story in the Book they were talking about and Jessie teaching me the word for “Family” yesterday aided the conversation along. I asked if another one of the girls read the Book. She said yes, but she didn’t understand it. She read about Captain Noah. How He had to punish the world for the bad doings. Throughout the conversation I found out that that is how she viewed Him was punishing – not that she really believed in Him. I asked if she thought the stories in the Book were true or if they were just stories. She said she thought that some were, but not all of them can apply to today. (It wasn’t really this of an in-depth apologetic argument, it was just her trying to think it out.) She thought that He existed in part. The laws (I think government basically) handle punishment, and that He is within all of us (eastern religin). “Hmm. Uh, yeah, that’s an interesting point, I guess.” (Trying to show my non-agreeance yet still acknowledging that it wasn’t her English ability that I was confused with.)

Then she said it. The joyous words I love to here – “Oh. Why don’t you share with us your view about G?” BINGO! “Hmm. (with a smile on my face) I would love to!” I explained how He is love and how He loves us even though He has to punish us. Like a Father who disciplines us, but that we have a broken relationship with Him. I explained how during Captain Noah’s His punishment was carried out, but how He was still holding back all of the punishment from us until He could dump it on His Son. I explained how His son works as an intermediary between us to restore the broken relationship. How even before, He was pursuing us with Love while He held back the punishment. I explained how He came back from the dead to prove He really was the Son, and how we can have this life too with Him. That if we accept His death and submit our life to Him then we don’t have to deal with our punishment and we get to go “upstairs.”

(As I’m telling this story, they’re all pretty fixated on me. Not like “I don’t know what’s going on,” but more like “Woah! This is a story!”) I remembered what another friend had told me about internationals, how they often need it in steps and not all at once, but as I was mid-story I thought about leaving that with them and I stopped so it could settle, but it didn’t feel right. It felt like I should keep going. The main girl said, “So …….” And repeated it all back to me in her own words about what was happening, so I said, “Yeah! Then…” and told more and she translated it again. When I got to the “upstairs” part, she jumped a little bit and said it in Chinese.  One of the other girls said, “so what if you used to believe in Him, but now you don’t. Do you still have to be punished?” (Which is an odd thought, if I don’t think something exists, will the non-existent thing punish me? – but I think that was a translation issue and the heart of it was, I’m not living the way I should or used to…what now?) So after a quick check “upstairs”, I explained that it was all about the Son. If we accept Him, then we’ve surrendered and given control of our life over to Him then we will act different. We will live like He does exist and our punishment will be taken care of because of the Son.  But if we’ve never done that, then we still have to deal with our own punishment.

After all of this, I thought… “I think most of that translated, but I think I just got excited and overwhelmed them with information and it was more than they wanted to know.” Then she said, “I think you should teach us more about G, about your view of Him. You have a much different perspective and I want to see it.” (pretty much said, I want to see Him the way you see Him.)

She threw out the different culture thing about learning other cultures, and I tried to show her that our religion came from an eastern culture. That it was her culture too, not just ours. (That part didn’t quite translate) but I agreed and told her that I would love to teach her more and tell her more, that I really like talking about that type of stuff. I’m not sure if she will follow it up, but I definitely am going to try.

Afterwards, our Boy and was telling Him the good news and he said, “Yeeeaaahh, for the past two months it seems as if a lot of people are interested in Book. A lot of the campus is curious and wanting to know more about Book.” I just smiled and agreed saying, “Yeah, it’s awesome what He’s doing here.” “Yeaaaah.” He agreed.

Quick second half of the story: in my English Corner tonight, I showed some short films and we discussed them. They didn’t know that I specifically picked out salty films. In fact, I got them from a pretty salty place, but they’re not too direct. At the end of the last one, they were bumfuzzled. They were so confused. One student guessed the man was a master over the girl who he was running and experiment on (most of the class followed her conclusion). But another student stated that she thought the man was “the G” that He was trying to help and wanted to take away the pain and the hurt from the old memory and wanted to give her a new memory. I laughed again. I’d been asking for revelations and wisdom to flow and it was. They went back and forth until the end of the class and I felt the yearning in my heart to share, but I was chickening out. I wanted to but I couldn’t get an opening and I felt like it was going to be too much preaching. “Just let them ask, please let them ask” I asked. The bell rang. “So what do you think about this one?” one girl in the back asked.  “Well, I agree with her (pointing to the revelation girl). I see a picture of Him in this. In the past He keeps trying to help her, He keeps smiling at her and wanting to help so I think He’s a good guy. I also think that she does have a lot of pain and troubles in her past memory and I see that He gives her a new start. I see that that is a picture of G, how He takes those with troubles and pain and He gives them a new start. So that’s what I see.”  Short, sweet, to the point, and the only way that video made sense to them. It was beautiful.  I can’t wait because that girl has her own attitude and own personality just enough that she’s gonna accidentally try Him out and be swept away.

Anyways, I wanted to share how good He is with you. Well, He’s always good, but today it was much more tangible. Thank you for reading all of this and I hope your day is Beautiful. I love you all.

I can't imagine being pregnant right now...

Could you imagine being 9 months pregnant right now?

I can’t imagine it. I can’t imagine traveling hundreds of miles while on the brink of birth and getting to your hometown just to stay in a barn. But just because I can’t imagine it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. There are a few other things my imagination can’t quite create either:

A year ago, I never imagined standing in front of 30 freshman students in a white walled classroom in the north east of China sharing how it was because of Love that we were given a Gift at Christmas time. That this Gift would save the world, split time, and revolutionize so much of what we do. 

I never imagined I would be helping correct the pronunciation of the Word, the name, that every nation would be mesmerized by and bow to.

I never imagined how quickly a life could be changed and flipped around.

I never really imagined the Power of the Word and how it acts like a slippery slide going downhill into His arms, once they’re reading and in a community… it’s only a matter of time.

I never imagined that in only a few months we would have 3 new Family members that we alone got to Talk to our Father about. I never imagined having a large movement of other Family members who are active on campus too.

I never imagined how His presence in me would bring so many people joy just by sitting and talking with me. How they would openly confess and start talking about Him and His family unprompted by my own mouth but just by His presence.

I never imagined that each day in a week would be the new coldest day of my life. Today we’ve got -18 to start Christmas morning.

I never imagined how many students would be so excited to learn English and talk with their foreign teacher. I also never thought of how normal it is to call yourself a foreigner.

I never imagined so many people telling me I’m good looking. (I guess He’s trying to tell me that He did a good job when He made me. -- P.S. He did good on you too.)

I never imagined how extremely difficult Chinese would be to learn. Whew-eee.

I never imagined how much I would come to appreciate a western toilet.

I never really imagined how much I didn’t know (about teaching, about people, about the world, about the Word, about so many things.. . I am learning quickly and continuously.) I also never imagined how much work and how big of an issue teaching would be. (I grossly underestimated this.)

I never imagined how funny life in China and life as a teacher could be.  I also never realized how quickly my English level can drop and how easy Chinglish (Chinese + English phrases) can come into my vocabulary.

I never imagined I would sing in front of hundreds of people so many times in so little time.

I never imagined how many times I could be asked, “Do you like China?” “How long you China?” “Can you use chopsticks?” in one day… and still keep a smile and laugh about it.

I never imagined that the dining halls would intentionally cook food with more fat and grease to fatten us up so that we would stay warmer during the cold winter months. Seriously. And… it’s working too. Ut oh.

I never imagined how much I would miss you. Usually, I’m good at moving on and following Him, but a good part of my heart is still with you and I find joy when I hear from you and your growth and love.

I can’t imagine being anyone else than here. Although , some days are much harder and all I seem to want is a friendly face from WV, I am blessed to get to be here, to get to do what I am doing, to get to have an impact on the lives of so many students.  

I still can’t quite imagine how wide and long and high and deep is the Love He has for us. It blows me away. … Well, it blew me to the other side of the world anyways. :)

with Love, peace, and extra fattening grease,
(but the greatest is still Love)
Abram

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the (Fellowship) and in (the Son) throughout all generations, for ever and ever.  –E:3:20

Really?!

 So it's been a while since I've been "really?!"ed by Him. I love seeing Him move in unexpected ways. I hadn't gotten on QQ for a long time. (QQ is an instant message program that everyone in China uses. No seriously, my office mates use it, my assistant dean uses it, my students use it. When I first met my assistant dean, I was given her name, phone number, and QQ number) So I figured I should get one to be in contact with them and get to know them better, etc. Well, for a long time it was ME trying to do things without Him, so He said, "stay off of QQ and come and spend time with Me." But the other night He gave me the go ahead. I got on and one student popped up to talk. He's came to my English corner the last 4 or 5 weeks but we haven't really talked outside of class. I just wanted to share with you this conversation to show you how He works and how it's completely Him doing the work, but how open the fields are. No lie, this is the conversation:

Student
Hello Abram
Abram  
Hey student. How are you?
Student
good how are you?
Abram
I'm doing pretty good.
Abram
how do you plan on spending your weekend?
Student
what can i do?i must read for final exam
Abram
reading all weekend? did you get your responses finished for the other books or is that what you're working on?
Student
it is book that i learn
Student
can you give me some advices
Abram
sure. i'll try.
Abram
How can i help?
Student
actually,i do not know how to do in last
Abram
you do not know how to do what
Student
en,i feel lost in life,so i can not find happy in those months
Abram
yeah. i understand.
Abram
this happens to alot of people.
Abram
does it seems like there's something missing?
Student
do you have the same experiences
Abram
yeah, i used to feel that way.
Abram
I've made some changes in my life that have greatly changed that.
Student
what do you do to save the problem
Abram
I've found what I was missing was Him.
Abram
I think that we're made to have a relationship with Him, and if we don't have that then we feel empty and lost because there's a part of us missing.
Student
what it is mean
Abram
It's like if you have a computer, but you don't have the mouse to control the computer. It's really hard to use the computer the way you want to because you need the mouse. (Do you understand this part?)
Student
you are right
Abram
ok good.
Student
but how can i find it
Abram
I think that there is a bigger being than us. A greater thing that is bigger than all of us. That this being created us. This being is called Him.
Abram
When He created us, He created us/made us to know Him and love Him, and for Him to love us. It's like having a really really good Dad/Father.
Student
it is great
Abram
But if we don't have this relationship, this friendship with Him, then it feel like part of us is missing because part of us IS missing. So we feel lonely, and lost, and empty.
Abram
does this make sense?
Student
i think i am a children at this time
Abram
what do you mean?
Student
the life is too difficult to understand,is not it
Abram
yeah, it can be very difficult.
Abram
I've been reading the Book and it helps give me lots of answers and explains lots of things to me.
Student
en
Abram
en?
Student
i agree with
Abram
oh. ok.
Abram
have you ever read the Book?
Student
never
Abram
I think it would help alot. It tells the story about He creating us and how He loves us, and how we can have that relationship that we were created for.

We went on and talked a little bit more and got off on another subject about a different book he liked and why he liked it before I had to go but I really wanted to finish the conversation with him and told him I'd like to so I'm going to try to follow it up.

I wish you could have seen it...

It's times like this I wish you could just be here or that I could capture the beauty of Him at work.

I got a text from Kelsey asking if I had plans for lunch today because she was eating with two of her male students. (I understood the implications of this because I've asked her before to join me when I ate with female students... not just because of the guy girl boundary (because 95% of the time I eat with girls. I have 180ish students and probably 10-12 of them are guys.) but because of the supernatural side that was potentially coming to work.) After I ate with my students that I had already planned with, I ran over to the other dining hall and joined the 4 of them (the boys brought along another girl to translate for them whenever they got stuck).

One student really was excited to talk to me so we started talking as Kelsey talked to the other two. As we were talking, I noticed Jordan and Tannah (two other teachers) on the other side of the room eating with two students also. I could tell by the way Jordan was talking and Tannah was looking what was on his lips. The message was going forth. I zoomed out to hear what Kelsey was talking about and the meaning of Christmas and why we celebrate it was the topic of discussion. Also, it's hard to talk about Christmas without talking about Easter... if you really think about it. Why would there be a Christmas if Easter wasn't to follow? So that came up and I was just like "Dang Boy! Get it!" I was loving this and just thinking how awesome it would be for you all to get to hear this and I had an idea for a video... then I realized, "oh crap. this other student is still talking to me. It's been long enough I need to make a comment to show I'm still listening and understanding. Ahh!" Soon there after he asked me, "so do you have a girlfriend?" (common question) Followed by the question that I love, "what do you look for in a girl? good looks or her heart?" So I expressed what was MOST important in the girl of my dreams was also the MOST important thing in my life. It(He) has to be first and before me and THAT is what I love.

I texted Jordan asking "getting some Good News over there?" He got it as he walked out and turned around and waved the affirmative. I yelled "I could see it coming in." I talked to Tannah afterwords and she said, "G totally just opened up doors....jordan let it all out man! the good news and all."

Then I asked how it went, how did they respond? "they looked awestruck when he was talking, lol, and i think they really understood what he was saying" She went on to explain, "she asked us.....'don't you want a family and a husband/wife?' and that's when Jordan told her all about TRUE satisfaction. Her eyes long for true love. I don't know how to explain it but they scream for something true, something real. So when he was talking, i could tell she was getting it and really interested....."

I'm so excited and so pumped to see so many lines coming down and so many conversations had. I mean this is one lunch time. I know that in the other dining hall Ashley was getting to meet with a believer and probably encourage her too. Tom was eating with his entire class all at once. It's awesome! I'm pumped as to what He's doing and what we get to see. I wish you could see it.

Good Dinner.

This week is going beautifully well. Please, please, please don't stop lifting us up. This is where the strength is coming from. I want to give you a recap of the week at the end of it based upon us getting to share "the Greatest Story Ever Told" this week in class. I mean, we get to share the famous American Holiday... Christmas!... and all that it is about. :)

But I'll get back to it. At first tonight, I want to share with you something that just touched me pretty.... pretty good. I'm about at the end of making it through eating a meal with everyone in all of my classes and tonight was no different...but it was. As I walked into the dining hall, my initial thought process is, ok I'm in a good mood, I'll get to eat something, I'll talk to the students for a bit, then make it back in time and hopefully get my lesson plan done before our meeting and maybe get to bed early/before midnight. But I felt like He was just saying, "Ok. Slow down a minute. I don't want you to just "get through this" meal." So I kinda stopped and took a pause then said a quick Thought for Him to help me focus and come and fill the place.

We got our food and sat down and as always, I bowed my head said some Thanks, asked to be a blessing to my students and a Light in the conversation. When I looked up (like most times) they were staring at me, semi-confused but still waiting to be polite before they ate. They said, "is it ok to eat?" I laughed and said yes. They said, so you believe in J? "Yeah" I replied with a smile. "So said pr-y?" "Yep, I just wanted to Thank Him for the food that He's given us." They said, "her too" and pointed at the student next to me. Apparently, we both bowed at the same time and came up at the same time and didn't know it. So she said, "You believe in J?!" "Yeah," I said. "Me too!" she responded. "Awesome" I celebrated and high-fives were exchanged.

Throughout the conversation I found out that she's been in the family for year, her mom for 10 years, and her dad for 3 years. (Which is just an awesome story I can imagine of her mom being a little knee warrior.) I talked about how it's my favorite thing to talk about, "Me too!" she said... and she wasn't lying. Throughout the conversation she asked me what time I pr in the morning and if I read everyday? Her classmates/roommates (they room with their classmates - 4 in a room) often hear her pr at night before she goes to bed so they just ignore her because they always thought she was talking to them. She pointed out another one and said, "when we got here, she said she believe in J but now she doesn't." "Oh, really?" I responded with. She continued to fill me in on the conversation while the girl sat across the table from me staring at us, "She had a dream J, but now she no believe." "Why not?" I asked. She explained how she wanted to be in the Com. Party when she gets older and you can't believe in J and be in the Party.  Another one of the girls said she started to read the Book too but it was confusing and she gave up. I asked which part and she said the beginning. I explained how it can be confusing, but I tried to navigate them to Matthews part. I think Matthew does a good job telling a Good Story.

I don't have time to tell you all of the details but during the meal she just kept directing it back to Him. They taught me how to say Book, G, and JC in Chinese. It was pretty cool. She explained how the other ones don't believe and one of her friends said, "Everyone believe their own thing."  "I don't like!" she exclaimed. She was also surprised when I told her that not everyone in America believed either. I explained how I wished they did and she said the same thing and told how her Fellowship gives little books to people that explain J-man but they don't believe. "I don't like! That's no good." she exclaimed again.

It's so good to find another sister as passionate and excited about Him and making Him famous to those around us as we are. What's so good is we had most of this conversation in front of her other 3 classmates and it wasn't anything new. From the sounds of it, she'd been telling stories for a while and pretty open about it. It was beautiful. I'm excited to see what He does with them. One of them, I think will be within a year - she just needs more info to understand. One, my heart breaks for because she's looking for success first. The other one was pretty zoned out and just asked for a picture when I looked at her to join the conversation.

Last point, I was singing/humming a song while we were eating and they asked if I liked to sing. I said yes. She said, "about J?!" and I smiled and laughed and said, "yep!" She said, "me too!... but I don't know any in English." So I made a deal with her - if she taught me a song about J in Chinese, I would teach her one in English. I'm pretty excited about that and the other girl seemed excited too even. So... any suggestions on a good/ easier English song?

Joe Snow Bowl - Thanksgiving

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, the guys from our company that are all over the city who were brave enough/stupid enough to come play football together did. It was the annual "Joe Snow Bowl." We had about 3 or 4 inches of snow in places and it blew snow nearly the whole game. I think we played for about 2.5 hrs. We ran. We slid. We fell. We caught a few balls. and We had a blast. It was about 14 degrees but with the windchill possibly a few degrees below. It was well worth the soreness and stiffness the next day.

All of those "brave enough" to take on the weather for the Joe Snow Bowl show our game faces... or frozen faces.

Talking Trash...
but they also won at the very end so I guess they can.

Match ups.
Also a good way to keep one hand warm. haha

Game on.

Pictures

So I'm just as guilty of this and that's how I know this, but I was looking at some pictures of another teacher here with us (but at a different university) and she put up picture of student at their English corner. My initial reaction pretty much just to click through and be like "yep, some more Chinese students" but then I noticed some of them and realized that I had gotten to talk with some of them on our visit there last week. Then I started to think back about some of those Talks that we had there in that English corner. I started to think about the eternities that were changing, the walls that were falling, the seeds that were growing, the souls that were forever being effecting during those talks, and it made me want to look a little closer. It made me think about how desperately, head over heals, nail-me-to-a-piece-of-wood-for-you type of love that He has for this person. I am continued to be overwhelmed to think about the massive amount of people and the even more massive amount of Love He has for them. Then to think about that He has that massive amount of Love for me too. I am massively impressed with Him. and I want to start looking at pictures not as "just another class or picture of Chinese/American/African students/people/workers/kids/adults...whoever" but instead as the souls that He is obsessive over. Individual souls that is what I want to see and know the Love of.

Change

So this isn't something that happened yesterday or this week, but something that has been happening and something that I am Asking happens today and tomorrow and the next day. Change.

I feel like most of us are really bad at change - even those of us who say we are good at change... yeah not really. I think some of it comes out of our western view of independence, and some of it comes out of our human view of comfort and experience.  I could go on and explain lots of things and babble, but the short version is this.

When we get together on Sunday mornings, do we come and expect to experience the presence of Him? Seriously? Do you go expecting to experience the presence of Him, or do you go because you should and it's a repetition. I found myself many times just thinking about what's next, what will I do after. Even at cru, sometimes I just wanted to make it through and everything go alright. But "just making it through" is not what we have a meeting for, it's not why it was created, it's not why we are created. No one puts that much time and effort into something to just make it through, or for tradition sake. He didn't. We didn't. We shouldn't.

I also find this the case not only on Sunday mornings, but many times in my every morning. As I crack open the Book - I find myself fighting the urge and idea that I have to do it, or I should do it, or that it's in my routine and just get some good time in and then you can move on. I have to ask for the desire to do it, I ask for not just the desire but also that I would experience Him and His fullness. Each time I open the Book, I bow my head, I lift my eyes, I ask my heart would be turned and my attention gathered and His presence come down not that it would just be something I do, but it would be a real encounter.

Then the next question is, if we do go to experience the presence of Him, do you, and does it cause you to change afterwords. I'm not so sure we can experience His presence and not be changed. So many times we want to feel Him. We feel Him, then we continue back to do things the way we were doing them.

Maybe that's a joy of living in a foreign country is that it's much easier to stay flexible. You have to. Well, you can become rigid and stiff, you can stick to your own ways, but you'll end up clashing more with the culture and those around you and just not getting to experience the fullness of the culture where you are. You can't live in America while really living in China. You must change.  -- As we're adapting to our New Creation Culture... how often do you still try to stay the same? How often do we want to treat people the same? talk the same way? act the same way? have the same habbits? watch the same shows? collect the same things? listen to the same music? give the same amount of money? read the same amount of the Book? look at people the same way? stay in our comfortable area because change is just too inconvient for us? I've done it this way for however many years now, why shouldn't I continue to do it.

I can't imagine how annoying it must be to Him when He sees us continue to do this. In my English classes, one thing we go over is Chinglish (Chinese + English; things that when translated aren't correct.) An example of this, "I very like it." The sentence structure is different in Chinese, so I told them this and showed them the right way to say it, "I really like it" or "I like it very much" or "I like it alot." Then it's a little frustrating after 10 min of explaining this to give them a practice dialog and here "I very like it" flow out like it's correct. I know they understood, we covered it, they agreed to it, they practiced saying it, they repeated it back to me... then they went on and went back to the old way because they didn't want to change/change is hard. I give them grace and some buffer time to work it out of their vocabulary, but after a while - if they're not changing what I've taught them and reminded them of... what's the point of me teaching them any more? How can they take it in and take in more if they don't apply the first things?

So it kind of comes down to it like this... when we get together as a Family, when we open the Book, when we physically get on our knees, do we expect to experience the presence of our Father and out of that experience are we changed forever? When the time is over, are we walking in the new change that He is bringing?  Think about this: the next time you open your Book or go to Fellowship, are you asking "Let me experience You and Know you so that I will be changed for all of eternity due to what is about to happen?"

I want to be the soft clay, ready and malleable - everyday. Coming before Him and saying, "ok, you changed me yesterday and last night, now I want and need you to change me more. It's probably gonna hurt some and be inconvenient, but here I am." I want to say that, I want to mean that, I want to be that. Help us to be that.

It's a good day.

Some days in China are just pretty super. Today was one of those days. I got a package from one of my good friends who gave me permission to go ahead and open it and so this morning I did. It was pretty awesome. Milk and cookies and directions of how to open them and share them.

I had a good time with G in the morning and had set aside a certain aspect of my day that I wanted to promise to Him. I didn’t quite understand why or how to explain it if anyone asked, but I felt the urge to do it today and just trust that because the Book says so, we should.

First class went pretty well. Tuesdays, I start my new lesson for the week so it’s usually “8:00am Tuesday -give the new lesson. 10:00am Tuesday – rewrite my new lesson plan.” Haha. That’s only been like one time, but I do go back through and edit, fix, tweak, and think through parts better afterwards. As I was about to finish it up I planned on spending some time with Him then doing/finishing my other lesson plan for English Corner after lunch…before the English Corner. But the assistant dean’s assistant came in and told me that my rescheduled class was mistakenly at the wrong time and asked if I could do it this afternoon. …. Sure. So I finished up the reviewing of the lesson. Broke out the good book and started doing some reading. (I know, logically not the first choice of time management – but it’s starting to become more of a habbit.) I had some good time then and started to understand more and just dive in more.

Then I went to lunch with my students. (I’m making them all eat lunch with me at some point so they practice their English and they won’t be as nervous in class, and so I can get to know them a little better. But that means 180+ students, 4 students at a time, is lunch and at least one dinner 5 days a week for 7 weeks. We’re in week 5 now, I think. It started out really good and intentional, but after a few weeks of having the same conversations and getting sick and all the students blurring together, it wasn’t my greatest effort.) But today… He showed up.

“I believe in G, but I don’t like reading the Book” were the first words that came out of her mouth. After a few minutes of the normal awkward silence, I was working through small talk conversation starters in my head that would work well, but then she just up and dropped this bomb on me. I just smiled and started thanking Him. “Oh! Ok. Good to know” were the words I think that flopped out of my mouth. “Do you think that it is important or useful for us to read?” she continued.

“Yeah. I love reading the bible. It tells us what we’re here for. It tells us what life is about. It tells us how much He loves us. It tells us what will happen when we die. It tells us a lot.” They all looked at each other as if it was the “Oh crap, what the heck did he just say? He was talking way too fast and I don’t know those words.” But instead I heard, “Oh! It seems like it’s very important.” A few “co-insidences” with Family member students stopping by to help translate which story in the Book they were talking about and Jessie teaching me the word for “Family” yesterday aided the conversation along. I asked if another one of the girls read the Book. She said yes, but she didn’t understand it. She read about Captain Noah. How He had to punish the world for the bad doings. Throughout the conversation I found out that that is how she viewed Him was punishing – not that she really believed in Him. I asked if she thought the stories in the Book were true or if they were just stories. She said she thought that some were, but not all of them can apply to today. (It wasn’t really this of an in-depth apologetic argument, it was just her trying to think it out.) She thought that He existed in part. The laws (I think government basically) handle punishment, and that He is within all of us (eastern religin). “Hmm. Uh, yeah, that’s an interesting point, I guess.” (Trying to show my non-agreeance yet still acknowledging that it wasn’t her English ability that I was confused with.)

Then she said it. The joyous words I love to here – “Oh. Why don’t you share with us your view about G?” BINGO! “Hmm. (with a smile on my face) I would love to!” I explained how He is love and how He loves us even though He has to punish us. Like a Father who disciplines us, but that we have a broken relationship with Him. I explained how during Captain Noah’s His punishment was carried out, but how He was still holding back all of the punishment from us until He could dump it on His Son. I explained how His son works as an intermediary between us to restore the broken relationship. How even before, He was pursuing us with Love while He held back the punishment. I explained how He came back from the dead to prove He really was the Son, and how we can have this life too with Him. That if we accept His death and submit our life to Him then we don’t have to deal with our punishment and we get to go “upstairs.”

(As I’m telling this story, they’re all pretty fixated on me. Not like “I don’t know what’s going on,” but more like “Woah! This is a story!”) I remembered what another friend had told me about internationals, how they often need it in steps and not all at once, but as I was mid-story I thought about leaving that with them and I stopped so it could settle, but it didn’t feel right. It felt like I should keep going. The main girl said, “So …….” And repeated it all back to me in her own words about what was happening, so I said, “Yeah! Then…” and told more and she translated it again. When I got to the “upstairs” part, she jumped a little bit and said it in Chinese. One of the other girls said, “so what if you used to believe in Him, but now you don’t. Do you still have to be punished?” (Which is an odd thought, if I don’t think something exists, will the non-existent thing punish me? – but I think that was a translation issue and the heart of it was, I’m not living the way I should or used to…what now?) So after a quick check “upstairs”, I explained that it was all about the Son. If we accept Him, then we’ve surrendered and given control of our life over to Him then we will act different. We will live like He does exist and our punishment will be taken care of because of the Son. But if we’ve never done that, then we still have to deal with our own punishment.
After all of this, I thought… “I think most of that translated, but I think I just got excited and overwhelmed them with information and it was more than they wanted to know.” Then she said, “I think you should teach us more about G, about your view of Him. You have a much different perspective and I want to see it.” (pretty much said, I want to see Him the way you see Him.)

She threw out the different culture thing about learning other cultures, and I tried to show her that our religion came from an eastern culture. That it was her culture too, not just ours. (That part didn’t quite translate) but I agreed and told her that I would love to teach her more and tell her more, that I really like talking about that type of stuff. I’m not sure if she will follow it up, but I definitely am going to try.

Afterwards, our Boy and was telling Him the good news and he said, “Yeeeaaahh, for the past two months it seems as if a lot of people are interested in Book. A lot of the campus is curious and wanting to know more about Book.” I just smiled and agreed saying, “Yeah, it’s awesome what He’s doing here.” “Yeaaaah.” He agreed.

Quick second half of the story: in my English Corner tonight, I showed some short films and we discussed them. They didn’t know that I specifically picked out salty films. In fact, I got them from a pretty salty place, but they’re not too direct. At the end of the last one, they were bumfuzzled. They were so confused. One student guessed the man was a master over the girl who he was running and experiment on (most of the class followed her conclusion). But another student stated that she thought the man was “the G” that He was trying to help and wanted to take away the pain and the hurt from the old memory and wanted to give her a new memory. I laughed again. I’d been asking for revelations and wisdom to flow and it was. They went back and forth until the end of the class and I felt the yearning in my heart to share, but I was chickening out. I wanted to but I couldn’t get an opening and I felt like it was going to be too much preaching. “Just let them ask, please let them ask” I asked. The bell rang. “So what do you think about this one?” one girl in the back asked. “Well, I agree with her (pointing to the revelation girl). I see a picture of Him in this. In the past He keeps trying to help her, He keeps smiling at her and wanting to help so I think He’s a good guy. I also think that she does have a lot of pain and troubles in her past memory and I see that He gives her a new start. I see that that is a picture of G, how He takes those with troubles and pain and He gives them a new start. So that’s what I see.” Short, sweet, to the point, and the only way that video made sense to them. It was beautiful. I can’t wait because that girl has her own attitude and own personality just enough that she’s gonna accidentally try Him out and be swept away.

Anyways, I wanted to share how good He is with you. Well, He’s always good, but today it was much more tangible. Thank you for reading all of this and I hope your day is Beautiful. I love you all.

14 Degrees, 3 Classes, and Joy:: Thanksgiving

Today was by far the most unique Thanksgiving I have ever experienced. I figured it would be pretty hard being away, but He was really good to just fill me with joy and love for those around me. I also forgot that it was Thanksgiving a little bit, even though I’ve been teaching about it all week. It’s odd to think about Thanksgiving outside of the U.S. and outside of seeing the leaves changing colors, deer hunting, and a week off of school. Instead, my day started with a text from a student at 4:55am wishing me a “Happy Thanksgiving Day to you! Best Wish!” message. Needless to say I didn’t check that for another hour when I got up at 5:45am.

This week for class I’ve been teaching about the American holiday and culture of Thanksgiving as well as other things they need to learn. We just gave them an opportunity to practice and to incorporate our culture too. I’ve been using an American football in my class to choose students. (I’ll pass it to one student and they answer then they can pass it to someone else and they have to answer. This way everyone has to pay attention and they get to be more involved and active. Plus, they love the football.) It’s funny because it doesn’t really matter how many times I tell them “make sure you say the person’s name before you throw it to them” that doesn’t always register and they just throw it anyways. Good news though, no bloody noses! No one got hurt this week. Whew. Last year as I went home for Thanksgiving break I never expected to be carrying an American football across a Chinese college campus one year later, but here I am.  I felt kind of weird but kind of cool getting to pass a football in class. I kept looking around to see if I was gonna get in trouble, then I realized that I was the teacher. Nice.

So as I walked up to my first class, I met 5 of my students standing at the doorway waiting on me. “Hmm… Odd” I thought. “Good morning!” I said to them as I waited for them to make the next move. They smiled at each other and then back at me… (often typical behavior when they don’t know what to say or what I just said.) Then one looked up in the awkward kind of “something’s going on” way and said, “So… how are you?” I started to laugh and about lost it. It was the most natural English move they have made all year. After a few minutes, they said, “please come in.” and as I walked in I see Christmas lights and plastic ivy strung across the decorated board that says Happy Thanksgiving! on it.  Man, I was so tickled. I was so excited. They made me so happy. They all cheered “Happy Thanksgiving!” to me at once. I was so tickled I got distracted and couldn’t think of what I was supposed to be teaching them. I texted Dave and asked him to bring a camera over so I could get a picture and at the break they parted the Red Sea of chairs so I could get a picture. So when I motioned for them to get into the picture too they all giggled with excitement and rushed in.  They’re so cute.

Then at lunchtime they had a special dinner fixed for us and they had turkey! Haha. Nah, just kidding. I ate rice. But it was good rice. At lunch, I did get a text from one of my students that I was so touched about. I wanted to put it in my next newsletter. “I open my wallet, find no money. I open my pocket, find no coin. I open my life, find you, then I know how rich I am! Forever my Friend and my teacher happy! Thanks-Giving Day!” I thought awwwwwww. This so sweet. We were talking about being rich and love and what’s more important over the past few weeks and I thought, man, He’s really doing work and they’re seeing Him working in their lives.

Then, I was almost late for my second class and again someone was waiting for me at the door. As I walked in they all cheered “Happy Thanksgiving” then followed it up with a very rhythmic clapping chant (I wish I got it on tape, but no dice.) They had hung lights up on the board and covered the entire board with pictures and writing that they did. “Happy Thanks Giving Day” The same girl who had sent me that beautiful text had also drawn an awesome picture of a turkey on the side of the board. For someone who has never seen a turkey or anything like that, it wasn’t too bad. It was definitely my favorite. I said, “I feel bad about erasing all of this to write the stuff down for today.” Then they pointed out one of the personal chalkboards that was on the side… so I agreed. I figured if they went to all that work then I could manage for one day to write on the little board.

One of the joyous little ideas that my students and I get to partake in is the famous Hand Turkey. That’s right, bringing back the Hand Turkey from elementary school. So I made a turkey on the board to show them how it’s done and fill out the fingers. The first one is always their class number. The second one is J-man. I get to tell them “My relationship with G is the most important part of my life and pretty much why I live so I am very thankful for J.” Then one student said, “hu?!” so I repeated myself, then said his name in Chinese (they love it if you can say anything in Chinese…or try to say it in Chinese). Then someone else said, hu? So I tried to repeat it with a question attached so that they could help correct me and then the whole class kicked in to help my pronunciation like they normally do, but this time, they got the picture.  In fact, as I was walking around checking on them, I’ve noticed a few students write G on their fingers and it makes me smile. I try to make a note of who it is so that I can follow it up later. But today one student just stopped me and said, “How do you spell G-sus?” So I gladly knelt down and helped her spell it. As I got up, I noticed the girl sitting next to her also had G on one of her fingers and it just made my day even better.

At the end of the class, I showed them a short youtube video of Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade and they were astonished. They were amazed and huddled around it. It was pretty awesome. Today was a day that I really enjoyed getting to be a teacher. After this second class, I switched buildings and had my English Corner. The plan was to talk about the differences in East/West, but as I walked in carrying an American football their attention was distracted so I scraped that whole lesson plan and just made it about Thanksgiving. The best part was the activity where they must pretend they are a turkey and they have to convince me that I want to eat their partner and not them. (I made the rule that you can’t call anyone fat, but be creative.) They were pretty good. “well she is much more beautiful than I am and she has very white skin. It is very soft and you want soft skin on your turkey.” Another student commented, “You should eat him, because he is healthier than I am. He exercises so he is healthy and … and I will eat less food than he does, so if you eat him, then you’ll save money.” One girl accidentally sacrificed herself saying that if we at her, then our English would improve. Hahaha. Awesome.

To end this beautiful day, all of our team got together and had turkey and mashed potatoes and rolls and corn and a typical thanksgiving dinner. Just kidding. We had rice. We did go out to a nice restaurant and it was mmmmmmm. It was good. I am very very thankful for my team and getting to spend time with them and that each of them are here helping and fighting, and just getting to talk about stupid things we’ve done and funny things students have said…. Such as that beautiful text that I received earlier in the day. Yeah, well, when I got out of my English Corner I had that same text from 5 other students. I told the team and they all got it too. Sweet, but not too original...or grammatically correct, but it’s all good. I guess it’s a popular one at Thanksgiving and Christmas time. So we finished up our night by playing some cards in Dave’s room and just getting to spend time with each other. Tomorrow we’re meeting up with all of the other foreign teachers with our organization and going to actually have turkey and having a legit potluck.

So now it’s time for bed so I can get up and cook. (No classes tomorrow! They gave us the day off for Thanksgiving.) But for now here are some of the pictures of my wonderful students and the wonderful day. Thanks for reading all of this. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you all very much and am more thankful for you than you can imagine.

My first surprise of the day is the decoration and lights that my 8am class provided.
Fruit is an important part of Thanksgiving I guess. :)

My 8am class - they are such a group of sweet hearts. I love them.

My second class surprise of the day. I love the "Thanks --> Giving Day"
You can see how there wasn't a lot of room for me to write.

This is the awesome turkey I was talking about.
I know teacher's can't have favorite students, but it was drawn by one of my most memorable students.
I love that they labeled it, just in case I couldn't figure it out.

My afternoon class and their creative background.
I may also love them a little bit too.

They loved the football. During the break, they would pass it around just to touch it and check it out, then get their picture taken with it on their cell phones. It was pretty cool.

Never dreamed.

Not once last Thanksgiving Break did I dream that one year later I would be carrying an American football across a Chinese college campus to teach them about Thanksgiving.

I guess dreams really do come true... even if they're not yours to start with.

I should be more thankful...

I'm learning more and more that I should be more thankful about things, even the little things. Especially the little things. Today, (Sunday) we went to a nearby fellowship like we do most Sundays. I've been kinda crappy about it the last two weeks because I've been very tired, the whole lesson is in Chinese, and I have alot to do that I'm not doing and it normally takes most of the morning. But this morning I got up and just had to sit and ask for a desire to do it, for a desire to go, for an excitement of getting to go.

None of my students went with us today, but some of the others went so I could enjoy them being there. I sat down next to a man who was in love with Him. Probably 40's in age, and I'm guessing a in the upper-middle class (sucessful, but not rich). Didn't speak a word of English, but his gestures was that of a learning. He sang loudly during the corperate songs and still sang during the solos. Although his voice was not in tune, his heart was, and therefore, his singing was beautiful. During the message he sat forward and opened up to take it all in. He knew the songs by heart so it seemed as if he had been there many times before and probably knew a good bit of the message, but he was still drinking it in like it was new.  I sat there asking that I could be like this guy, no matter what age or financial situation that I would sit forward in excitement of a learner as if it was all true and new. I then looked over to see our new brother who just heard the famous 3:16 for the first time. Without saying a word, I could tell he just fell in love with it a little more. "Woah! Have you seen this?" seemed to be his actions. He quickly wrote down the words on a piece of paper to memorize and keep later as a treasure like he had J-man's last words in Matthew's Story (the G.C. - go to all the world and tell them the good news.) I realized how often we take for granted the passion and the excitement of these truths.

After the main part they had a special focus for college students. There were about 16 with the 3 mei guo ren lao shi (American teachers). We got to give our own self introductions. I broke out every piece of Chinese I knew. Ni Hao. Wo jiao Abram. Wo shi lao shi. Wo shi mei guo ren. Wo ai ye su. (Hello. My name is Abram. I am a teacher. I am American. I love J.) I'm pretty sure I messed that up too, but they understood and laughed and clapped anyway (the Chinese way. :)) During our Boy's introduction of himself, he went onto tell them that he had accepted and was now a family member. He also went onto to say that many of you probably have been reading and knowing this for many years, so I need your help and have many questions for you, so I hope you'll help me. (Man, such humility and hunger. It's so beautiful.)

After this our new Boy really wanted to go out for pizza. Really really wanted to. I was so confused why he was so persistent to eat it. I mean, I'm ok eating it because it's western food and pretty good. Once we got there, I realized why. It was the first time he had ever had pizza. :) It was a brand new place so they gave us 20% off as an incentive to spread the word and let people know. They also gave us deep fried ice cream...scoops, for free without even asking. It was awesome. They gave us a knife and fork (such a normal thing for us) then he got a little giddy and excited. "I've never used this before" he said as he picked up the knife and fork. :) haha. It was beautiful. So we got to show him how to use it to cut the pizza. Then after about 3 bites we decided to eat it like real Americans and just grabbed it with our hands, but he preferred to use the knife and fork. haha. (I understand - we prefer using chopsticks over a spoon when we eat too.) It was so much fun to see and watch and be part of.

The last cool thing that I wanted to share with you today is the Chinese character that I learned today. (Probably only the second one I've learned since I've been here. (Exit being the other)) It's Yesu (G-sus)

耶稣 -  (Yēsū) - "G-sus"  

The characters that make it up are "fish" and "rice." I know that doesn't make any sense to you and me, but in the Chinese culture, fish and rice are known to be essential for life. ..... Get it? So if rice and fish are essential to life, and you put the two of them together and they make the characters for G-sus, then what even the centuries old language is saying is that He is essential for life.  :) Yeah, it's that good.

 Thanks for reading. I love you all and think about you quite often. 

Getting back on the horse...

I didn't really fall off of the horse with this blog, but I have been off of it and I hope to get back onto it and be a more "frequent rider/writer" than I have been lately. This update might be a little bit longer, but I'll try to keep them more frequent and short.

SNOW! As you have seen by the last pictures that we got our first snow a few weeks ago. We cracked the first week of November and the heavens opened up. A few inches the first night, then two days later a few more inches, then the next day a few more inches. We probably had 6-7 inches by the end of the week. The downside to this is that the students have to go out and clean up the sidewalk. If they don't have class, their job is to clear the sidewalks. So after the first snow all my students loved the snow. Now, they're not as big of fans of it. Yeah, any sidewalks, concrete or roads are cleared by shovels, wooden signs (which are flipped and used as shovels), and those giant wisk-broom-looking things. I asked one student and they said, "well, if we didn't clear the snow, then the school would have to pay someone to come and do it." My thought was, "well duh, you're paying a lot of money to come here, they can afford it", but I guess it's a different mindset here.

I gave them midterms last week. They had to do group presentations about a topic we had covered in class. What's worse is that I had to grade them on pronunciation, grammar, and fluency. Man, I don't know who was more nervous them or me. I think it took me about as long to figure out their notes and grade during the class after the presentation as it did for them to give their presentation. I was so glad when that week was over. I feel bad giving these sweet little kids a bad grade. (Alright, some of them who don't pay attention in class, it was easier to drop them down a few points, but the ones who try and just don't do very well, it's difficult.)

It was pretty cool because He knew I was freaking out about having to judge and grade them, so He signed me up to be a judge for Foreign Song Competition for the Bilingual department.  I should have probably guessed that I was going to do something when my students kept asking me if I was coming or not.
So I showed up and they asked me if I could help judge. I said, "uh, ok. I guess I can if you want me to." Then they showed me to my seat with my name tag and score sheet... nice. The song Foreign Song Competition was pretty interesting. I really enjoyed it. There were some contestants who could have been on American Idol, one for her good ability and one for her...spunk...and dancing. The only downside to this competition was the fact that it was for the bilingual department... aka not just English. So when they sang in German and Japanese and Korean it was difficult to give an accurate reading of whether it sounded native or not. There were German, Japanese, and Korean teachers there too judging, but I still had to vote. Jordan helped me vote and we thought that most of them sounded pretty legit to us, so we treated them alright.

The last thing I wanted to let you know about is our new Boy. Man, he growing so fast. I'm so glad that the Sprite has cracked open that noggin of his. It's just flowing with questions and comments and insights and all sorts of things. Less than a week after his Birth, he finished up Matthew's story and fell in love with our Hero's last words. "Go to all nations... and surely I am with you." Our boy wrote it down on a piece of paper and was telling it to his classmates during class- this is what He said and this is what He promises and ..... He's going at it. It's amazing. He's not just like excited about what he's learning, but he's being intentional and seeking out people and saying "I want you to experience this joy. I don't want you to go there, but I want you to be in the Kingdom." It's beautiful. In fact, we're about to go watch the Passion for the first time with him and two others who are in the seeking process. It's going to be hard, but good. Just asking for open hearts and understanding.

Love you all and wish you could see what's happening here.

P.S. as a moment of truth. I tend to wait til things are on the upswing or going better to email people back or blog or do different things. I don't want to wallow it in or express it. So if it's been a while or if I haven't emailed you back (and I'm just behind on that anyways) or things are kind of quiet - I might be having a rough time and could use some extra vertical thoughts. Thanks.

First SNOW!

Even though it's been cold enough to snow many many days for the last month, we got our first little covering. So I wanted to put some pictures up that you could enjoy it too. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to tell you about what's going on because I have to give a oral mid-term in less than an hour. Gulp. I don't know whose more nervous them for giving it, or me for having to grade it.

The view from Jordan's room on the 6th floor over looking the campus at 12:30am this morning.

The view out of my window at 7am this morning.

40 Days...

How do you describe the last 40+ days?
It would cheapen His work in my life and in my heart, and in the world around me to describe in one word, but, alas, I don't have days to write it and you dont have days to read it. Like John once said at the end of his story, "if everything He did was written down, I suppose the world wouldn't have enough room for all the books." That is true. But simplified in a few phrases: roller coaster, exhausting, near visible warfare, ridiculous, surreal, challenging, and the thought "really?!"

It seems like which part of the day you asked me how the day is going, will my answer change. My days/emotions have been on more of a roller-coaster ride and change faster than the cravings of a pregnant woman.  I've walked down stairs heading to class and wanted to collapse in tears and just lay there, but I had class in 15 min, so I couldn't do that. I asked and felt the Spirit strengthening me. Made it through the first class, got to share some. Had lunch with a student who asked, "what is the purpose of your life?" (REALLY?!) Wow! Then coming off the H.S. high and crashed hard during the next class. It looked up a little as I got to eat dinner with students, and as I went back to lesson plan thought, "am I really teaching them anything? Am I doing my job? Man, I suck at this! They probably won't allow me to come back. They've never asked anyone to leave mid-year, but I might be getting close."  Some days I've thought, I could stay here for years and do this - this is where it's at. There's so much here! Then later that same day thought, I won't make it til Christmas, I don't think I can do it. Get me out of here, but to where?

Since I've stopped blogging, I quit focusing on the physical explanations and I've learned and been aware of so much more of the "supernatural" than the physical. How the supernatural can and does effect the physical- both with supernatural attack/warfare from the enemy and supernatural sustaining when it's not possible. Many times in America, we only give the supernatural side of things a very small acknowledgment in our lives. Here, we live in the supernatural side and the physical side comes along with it.

"Don't let your experiences dictate your thol. but let your theol. dictate your experiences." Does what you've experienced or feel help you understand what you read? OR does what you read make you redefine what just happened or what you feel. What is love? Not how you have experienced it,but what does It say? Now how does that change what you see of what just happened? Who is He? Is that from what  you've experienced of Him or what it says about Him? Can you prove it? With many denom. and backgrounds... and a language barrier here, I've had to dig in and prove it by seeing exactly what it says. Many things I have thought or tried to reason out (maybe from my experiences have been wrong and I've had to restructure much of what I've thought.) I feel like I've went from serving meals to people to having to go back and be fed milk now. It's very humbling to know the thing that you have the most pride in, is your relationship with Him. Then he breaks that bride down by scrambling your relationship.

It has been good because I've learned it's very easy to see a mis-guided or a false representation of different things based upon our experiences first. For example: I realized I had a skewed version of who He is because as He is the authority figure I saw Him as like a cop wanting to protect you, so he catches your every move. Or a judge who is stand for justice so much that he almost begrudgingly gives out forgiveness - like He sighs and shakes His head as He gives me more forgiveness. All of these views from past authority figures, yelling from coaches, look from principles, the flexed muscle of the cop - all of these have helped me define HIS authority. But that's not what I read. Yes, He is the judge, but He also willingly, generously gives out forgivness. I mean, if He gave everything so that you and I could have it, why would he begrudgingly give it out. I mean, He is joyed as He gives it out. To the woman who was busted in the middle of adultery he could have given her the look, scolded her, picked up a stone, but he just said, "Go and sen no more." Do you think He had a smile on His face when He said it? Like, YOU'RE FREE! Now GO :-D! One example, alot of what I'm redefining is just who He is. What is identity is and then how we fit into that... aka what our identity is?

-Many times I've asked, "Really?!" In my relationship or talking about the Book, "I can't understand this... I've taught this before! Really?!"
-Then you have my student, whose English isn't that good but suddenly improves to ask me, "What is the aim of your life?" Really?!
-I mentioned going to a Fellowship here with a student after lunch, the next week 7 students came with me to the Fellowship. It was their first time. Really?!
-I got to have lunch and talk with and share my Heart to the assistant dean of our department. Really?!
-A student I have isn't a Family member yet, but is now reading the Book for and hour and half each day and coming up with very difficult questions to answer. Really?!
-A student randomly breaks out his Chinese Book to show me in class one day. Really?!
-They want our team to perform at a city-wide banquet on a stage with lights, curtains, the whole nine yards - in front of a few hundred people. Really?!
-Went to play pool with a student and because I was American they turned the music to English in the pool hall for me. Really?!

I could go on and you'll be getting a letter soon with a few more details, but a few thoughts have stuck and I wanted to share to end.
--Does your theol. dictate your experience or experience dictate your theol.?
--At the end of Wall-E he says, "I don't want to survive, I want to live!" That has become a very important idea that I've been asking for. I don't want to just survive today or this week, but I want to thrive. I feel pretty rough, but I don't want to just survive and make it through this next class, I want you to show up in an amazing way.

I've been learning more about the Sprite and thinking vertically and listening to Him more. One thought He's been crying out in my soul is "We need more workers. Send more. Get more. The campus is so ripe so ready." There are 9 of us Americans (with both teams) and a pretty solid movement of Family members on campus, but I feel like we more here. There just aren't enough of us to share with all of them so hungry, so open. Whether or not it's my place to stay, I don't know yet. If this is where He asks me to stay, then I'll be here and it will keep growing; if this is not the place, He will not use me here and I should move on.It's so much about what He is doing. It's been ridiculous of the things they asked and how it comes up. It is completely His work, but I've learned even more what it is to sacrifice even more, to give up it ALL (and I'm still far from) but to see how He works in those surrendered and intentional. It is amazing.

Thanks for reading this all and for continuing to remember us. 
He hears and is answering. I wish you could see His work here.

"Apart From Me, You Can Do Nothing"

It’s easy to say, it’s harder sometimes for me to believe, and it’s even harder for me to keep in practice. Abide. That’s what He says, abide. Abide- “to dwell.” To abide in Him means continually spending time with Him, but not just logging in your hours, it means to listen, to follow, to change your course of action to follow His plan and desires – that’s how you stay with Him. Surprisingly, the word or concept of “compromise” was not in this definition like I often try to put it. He calls us to come and die to our thoughts, plans, and dreams, not to come and bring our negotiations to the table. Why would the one who knows the good and perfect way need my input on how to make it better?

I'm leaving what I have behind to follow One who knows better. I don’t think it’s this strict “get over yourself” type of attitude, but I thinks because He knows better and I don’t. It’s that I cannot pour out what I have not received. The Love I give is only an overflow of what I am given. In this current stage, I feel as if I'm lacking in Love, I'm not loving Him the way I should and therefore not able to Love those around me the way I could. His Love is not contingent upon my actions, there’s nothing I can do to make Him Love me any more or less. There’s nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or less. But, our actions allow us to experience it more, to draw close to His heart, to feel the warmth of His embrace. Then, it’s the overflow of that joy and Love that we can Love Him and turn and pour out.

“Ok good, that makes sense, but why do you say all of this” you may be asking. Yes, I’m in China. Yes, I’m trying to serve Him. Yes, I’ve given up a year of my life, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to give up my days, my evenings, my mornings, my hours, my minutes to Him.

A few days ago, I was talking to a few friends on Skype about Him and what I was learning and it began to click. I just wasn’t Loving Him well. I was trying to Love my teammates, I was trying to Love my officemates, I was trying to Love the students, but I wasn’t Loving Him first. I was reading in the morning and in the evening, thinking vertically, but I wasn’t listening. “In his heart a man plans his course, but [He] determines his steps.” I wasn’t giving Him my steps, my full day’s attention, listening as to how I could love Him first, and as I sat there, He began to show me how.

It was like my wife was sitting behind me and I was too busy talking on the computer to everyone else rather than with her. I was talking about her and about the time we had had together, but I wasn’t just spending that time really adoring her, really showing her my affection. I would talk to her before I went to bed, like a routine step before I went to sleep, a quick kiss on the cheek and rolling over to go to sleep. No Love, no affection, no yearning of my heart for her, no just staring at her while my head was on the pillow telling her how much I love her, how much I just love being with her. There was no thankfulness for her being there with me. As it was, there was no affection shown to Him either. No words saying, “I love you, I love just being here with you. Thank you for being here with me.” (I know I’m young and not married and have a lot to learn, but I think some nights, I’m going to want to get off the computer, turn off the TV, stop doing work, and just go to bed early to lay down and just sit in silence with my bride.) In the same way, I want to put it all away just to go spend time in silence with Him, just listening and Loving.

A few days ago, I started a new quiet time book. It’s a 40-day book that challenges you to fast from something for 40 days as you put that time into honestly seeking Him and Loving Him. After thinking and asking about what it was that I could fast, there was only one answer, my blog. I tried the compromise technique of not doing it as often, or giving up other things, but giving up the blog is the answer I kept getting. I know it’s not logical- it’s good for me to get to share with all of you what’s going on, it’s good for me to get to keep in mind what it is that He’s doing, it’s good for you to see what it is that you’re a part of, it’s good for us both to grow closer to Him, and it’s good for me to let you know how you can lift us up. Yeah, I’m afraid that if I don’t keep you connected then you might forget about me and not ask Him for help as much (an honest fear)…. But with all the reasons I threw out there, I had the same response: Abide. Apart from me you can do nothing. I’m not always logical, but I know what’s better for you. You do not know what this will do for both you and for them if you obey me. “The beauty is in the obedience.”

So I am being obedient. I ask this of you: over the next 40 days that you would join with me even more, that together, we would seek Him. Take the time you would spend normally reading this and talk to Him. Ask Him how you can lift us up (He knows better than I do anyways). But along with that, lets seek Him together. Really, really seek Him. To put aside something for 40 days and put Him in that place. Together, as we seek Him rather than seeking to do something, to be productive, to be effective, to be powerful, but just seeking Him – then the Love with overflow. We say seek a lot, but another term is "to actively pursue." The J-man, used the idea of a lost sheep, or a lost coin, or a lost son; what if we searched like we lost our cell phone, our pay check, or an expensive gift someone had let us borrow and they were coming over to get it back - using that type of desperation to pursue Him, and with the Love and affection and passion of trying to woo the girl of your dreams to be yours. That's what I want us to do, to be, to join together in.

I’ll still be using email, so feel free to email me (I might be a little slow returning it, but will get to it asap). I’ll still be on Facebook and Skype occasionally, if you’d like to try to get a hold of me there or check out any new pictures I get posted. The keys is not just “to not do something” but it’s to take that time and effort and heart put into it and spend it Loving Him in the process. So I hope you’ll join me.

I want you to know how much I love you all and how much I appreciate every one of you. I look forward to sharing with you more in emails, and newsletters, and in 40 days back on this blog, if that plan works out. Thank you and I love you (but not as much as He does.)

Abram

Happy 1 Month Anniversary!

It's official. We've been in China for one month today. To celebrate... Happy Teachers Day! It's a country-wide holiday. I guess it's kinda like Mother's Day or Father's Day. The students bring teachers presents and people all tell you Happy Teacher's Day. Unfortunately, I don't have students yet, but my office workers were nice and shared some candy and cake with me from their students.

In honor of the one month tradition. I've been keeping little one-liners of things I've noticed or found interesting over the past month. So I hope you enjoy.

-It's illegal to spit in Beijing. (They stopped it for the Olympics.)
-A smile is the same in every language.
-There is a 13th floor but no 14th floor.
-A man standing next to a woman is the universal sign for bathroom.
-Even names are collective rather than individual - last name/family name first.
-The same gene that causes blue eyes also causes you to be bad with chopsticks - 4 of out of the 5 of us have blue eyes, the one is Chinese-American, but we do just fine.
-Recess can be canceled in Beijing due to too high air pollution. Today it's just
at the "unhealthy" level. Upgraded from yesterday.
-Boil the water before you drink it, even the local have to.
-Honking the horn is not rude or because you did anything wrong, it's
sent as an "I'm here. Just to let you know I'm coming through."
-He has a habit of working outside of me, of doling work without
my help, permission, or ideas.
-Chinese toilet paper is not as perforated as the U.S., and it's more elastic.
-Coming to China as a westerner, is intentionally putting yourself in a
fish tank to be looked at over and over again.
-In my first attempt to hail a taxi, the driver waved at me... I think
I'm doing something wrong.
-Tried shrimp flavored Pringles too for the first time... I know why
there not big in the U.S.
-"Only 3 types of people can make up words: writers, English teachers,
and George W Bush."
-Only in China can you say, "Here eat this." "What is it?" "I don't know
just try it." "Alright."
-The Great Wall probably isn't able to be seen from space since it's
about as wide as a road at most.
-The Great Wall it's slanted so that rain would run off the flat spots.
-I fell asleep on the way back from the Great Wall and woke up to most
of the bus singing "A Whole New World" from Aladdin. It was magical.
Best alarm clock ever.
- The song "Times" by Tenth Ave North is just in time.
-Thank you for the sunshine even when we can't see it,
Thank you for your love even when we can't feel it,
Thank you for the truth even when we don't know it.
-To cross the street, you just walk across whenever and don't get hit. You just time it to walk and not get hit.
-I went to the Wu Mart to get some groceries and bought a 12 pack of
water, Chips Ahoy, and a small jar of peanut butter and the most
expensive thing was the peanut butter, almost 3 yuan more than any
other, and still it was about $2 USD.
-Only in Beijing do you not want to drink the rain as it falls.
-Rainbows don't have the same connotations as the states.
-In foreign lands, it's hard not to seek to understand more than it is
to seek Him.
-60-70% of communication here is reading between the lines.
-Tomato crackers taste like tomato soup.
-Shrimp Pringles & Blueberry Pringles - Popular choices.
-Saw first ATM on 2.5 weeks after getting here.
-In plenty, generosity is great: in scarcity, generosity is divine.
-Had western food tonight - FREE WATER, we got FREE WATER with a meal! It was amazing and it wasn't hot water. WE GOT ICE too!
-Sitting in the lobby of the hotel, waiting on my team, I see a McDonald's motorcycle delivery driver pull up and walk in with McDonald's helmet, jacket, fanny
pack, and food warmer on back, if only I had my camera...
-Lace up your shoes, were hitting the ground running.
-There's always room for more in China - Elevator, subway, tables. There's room
for one and 3 get on.
-Pizza Hut is like a 5-star restraint here in Changchun.
-The date on the side of food is when it was packaged, not when it
expires. So don't throw it out if it's past the date... Like some of
my team.
-Su and su are very close. One means 4 and one means dying... 4 is an
unlucky number.
-I need to work in annunciation, expand, expand, expend.
-China- claustrophobics need not apply.

Thank you all for reading through this, but even more for continuing to support and lift us up. Happy 1 Month Anniversary!

Adventures to Walmart. Yes, Walmart…sort of.

This past Saturday we were able to go to a Walmart in downtown Chungchun. There’s a bus stop not too far from the school’s entrance and one of Dave’s old students went with us and brought along a friend. They were going to help us navigate and negotiate our cell phone deals. (By the way their cell phone plans work much differently than ours. Here, you buy a phone, then buy a phone number separately, and you buy minutes and texts. The phone numbers are different prices depending on the numbers you want in them. The more 4’s you have in your number the cheaper it is, the more 8’s you have in your number the more expensive it is. 8 is one of the lucky numbers here. “Su” and “Su” are the words for “4” and “die”…. 4 is an unlucky number.)

After taking a standing, hour-long bus ride with 60-70 other Chinese (a normal load, actually had Chinese room for about 20 more – we had American room for about 30 of them to get off), we arrived in Changchun. We must have hit the ritz area as there was a Gucci store and a Louis Vuitton store. Never saw them before in my life… I took pictures. They also had Nike, Jordan, Adidas stores too. We zigzagged and backtracked around the city to try and get two other phones we had unlocked for use in China, but no luck. We splurged and ate at KFC (second western food of the trip).

Then, I heard a series of words I never thought I would ever hear in my life as we walked into a mall/department store area, “Yeah, Walmart is upstairs.” … WHAT?! It turns out their Walmart is different from our walmart. Walmart, and the food department (which I don’t think believes in packaging meet, but instead just sticking it out there and letting you pick) was on the second floor and then you took an escalator up to the third floor where everything else was. I learned even more that the way we think is differently and that it extends as to what is logical to put next to each other in Walmart. We found backpacks in 3 different parts of the store, one of which was between the sports equipment and the music. They also put lamps across from the travel luggage. Needless to say, we did a lot of wondering. I felt bad for the two students who went with us because we just walked from one side of the store to the other. We would collect one thing like a wash cloth that’s with the scrub brushes thinking that there wasn’t a sponge, then go to the other side of the camping supplies and find air fresheners and sponges and pick up a sponge instead. Two hours later, we walked out with 3 bags pretty full and ready to sit down. One cool fact though was that there shopping cards are 4-wheel steering – which means you can drift your car around the turns from one aisle to another, which I did, until you hit someone else’s cart – bad idea.

In training, they told us that everything just takes longer than we expect in China. Everything takes longer, is a bigger deal, and will wear you out faster. They said you’ll go to the grocery store and when you come back, you’ll want to take a nap and people back home won’t understand. I laughed at the time, but I was so ready to crash when we got back. We left at 10am and got back just about 5pm. Whew. It was a good day.

I walked around taking pictures of all the different displays of meat for 5-7 min...until the smell got too much.

Not chicken wings! - Each of those is a claw from...something. The claw was about the size of my hand. Delicious.