Kacki Pants, Dress Shoes, and a Fishin Dock

Something familiar.

He’s been good to help me process a lot more this year and think through things. One thing at training I heard this year was “do what keeps you sane.” Many times we want to be as Chinese as possible for the Chinese people, but we know and they definitely know that we are always going to be foreigners no matter how hard we try. Some people try the submerge technique where they abandon their old culture and try to do things as Chinese as possible, while others go the imperialist route and do things as American as possible. Their answer, do as the Chinese do and do what keeps you sane.

Last year, I would say I was more in the submerge category. I tried to withdraw from my Americanisms and adapt more Chinese ways. Unfortunately, in this, I gave up a lot of my balances. It wasn’t that it was a neglecting of them, but many of them I just couldn’t do or didn’t have time for. I learned what it really meant to “call out” to the Father in desperation and confusion.Our intimacy grew.

I was thinking about how it seemed much easier to adapt in Africa than here. (I know I had issues there too. I know I was there for only a month and in the "honeymoon" stage of cultural living, but I was just wondering.) I think some of what is tricky about living in China is that so much of it looks like America. Roads are roads. Stores are stores. People are there. If you turn off your literacy, there are places that seem like they could be America. When your subconscious kicks in thinking your in America, yet people are playing by a different set of rules, your subconscious sounds the alarm that somethings not right. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto. But yet... everything looks like it. Once your consciousness kicks in we realize, I'm in China, things are different. But when you've had long days or are even just thinking about normal things (friends, food, family, what I have to do before tomorrow) and zoned out - our minds revert back to what we've known the most. For me, America.

So last night, the Father gave me a glimpse of WV to live in for a few moments. For some reason, the school put in a wooden dock near the edge of the river... I don't know why. But it provided the perfect height for me to sit on and swing my feet over the water. :) I know I was still in teacher clothes, I know I was probably being watched by tons of Chinese people, I know it wasn't very Chinese, but... it kept me sane.  I'm at this crossroads of "being the adult and responsible one," being looked at and watched intently as the foreigner, and still just trying to enjoy Him and life. Sometimes I put myself in awkward positions to get a good picture. I like to just study people. I make random jokes involving comedic dance moves. I like to just sit outside on a rock or a dock because I think better there and it reminds me of home. Pretty much they're all anti-Chinese things, but they help me think, process, live in a way that I can be invested and learning.

I am very thankful for Him giving me a dock, the opportunities to play music, paint, and joke around with students, and to still live in China and love those around me.