Do you believe in love at first sight?

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” That was my opening question in class last week, but I realized I asked the wrong question. What I should have asked first is, “How do you define ‘love’?”  As cute as my junior-high-like students are, their view of love is overly romantic and still very immature.  They think love, like life, is just like you see it in the movies. They think all Americans have sex with each other, we just hang out all day, and we’re all extremely sappy romantics. There are many other misconceptions but if TV was all that you had to judge another world by, then it makes sense that you would think it’s all true. Sometimes it is kind of fun to live in this superbly cheesy romantic era. On the other hand, when you want to grow up and have a more adult conversation, unfortunately most of their views of love don’t change – it’s still way too simple and immature. That’s the problem with China. That’s the problem with unbelievers. That’s the problem with our fellowships. That’s the problem with me. Our view and definition of love is way too simple and immature.

Love between a man and a woman is a good example– we love the chick-flick movies and semi-sappy love stories, but true love in a real relationship is more sacrificing. It’s treating him or her how they should be treated not how you feel like treating them or how you think they should treat you. It’s treating them with your affection even if you don’t feel like it. It’s wanting what’s best for the other person even when it’s against what you want/need/desire. Even between close friends, love is deeper. I didn’t know this type of behavior existed until I was blessed to have a few people step into my life and truly love me. I have awesome parents who do love me, and the more that I discover how much they do, what sacrifices they’ve made, and what that love compels them to do it shakes me. Between my friends and my family, it twists me up inside too much to understand. My radar goes off that something is wrong and it shouldn’t be like this – this is against what I know… it’s …something… greater.

I thought this realization was a large step into becoming an adult, but in comparison to what I have been discovering, it’s more like moving from the toddler class to the pre-school class. Not to downplay that revelation, but I realized even more that I still don’t know how to truly define love. I know the words to say, poems to quote, and songs to sing, but do I really understand what Love is? Like my Chinese students who can quote the most eloquent poetry that captivates all who hear it, but yet still think holding hands or that special look that he gives her is “love”,  I feel like there’s much more. There’s something that Someone is waiting for me to understand and walk in. I just can’t help but see/think/wonder about what love really is…

A student at fellowship stated, “Every day I hear him say,’ [my name], I love you. You are the best.’ So when I walk in my day, I walk with confidence because He loves me.” A love that makes us walk in confidence no matter what- that’s what I think it should be like. I love this video of John Mark McMillian talking about when he wrote “How He Loves” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NXWE6AC8ao). He says, “through this frustrating period, in my anger and my resentment, and my frustration he could still love me through that… that’s He not offended or upset…” and he goes on explaining this deeper feelings (you need to watch it). I read and hear stories of when someone says “I don’t know if He loves me” and He responds by telling someone else exactly what they need to hear or heals them or gives them gold teeth randomly just to say “See I LOVE YOU!”

This is a love deeper than any analogies or stories I can put on the page. If this love could be contained in words or analogies or stories then that means that language, stories, and analogies were greater than this love. That’s why we write songs after songs, books after books, essays and blogs, we paint pictures and make movies, and none of it can begin to describe it. 

I’m afraid to say, “J loves you.” Or “G loves you” because I’ve said it before. I’ve said, “He loves you more than you can imagine,” but I am not satisfied with that. I don’t want to just stay “more than I can imagine,” I want to go find out what more means. I want to be giddy like two new lovers with each other. I know His Love is greater than this love, so I’m ready to be giddy. I’m ready for my insides to be twisted even more because I don’t understand what this really is. How can someone love me that much? When they know who I am? When they know what I’ve done? How can it be this intimate? How can it be this giving? How can it be this powerful? And if this… if this is “love,” then nothing I have ever done in my life deserves to be labeled as “love.”

All this to say, as much as I like to think I know or have experienced love, I admit my ignorance and limitations placed on love and I want to understand and experience more of it. I vulnerably open myself up.