Airport Rush

As I pull up to the airport and pay the taxi driver, I feel pretty good about the ordeal. I get into the airport and start the process of rearranging luggage, getting tickets, going through security finding my gate and a sense of “oh no, I’m late” comes on me. I start rushing and freaking out. I can only go as fast as the line in front of me, but I still feel this inner urge to hurry faster. Going through the airport I rush to make it to our gate on time (as I’m meeting others from our organization to take the same flight). I get onto a moving walkway and want to rush ahead so I’m not late. I have that impending fear that I’m late. I’m always late, I’m always behind, I’m always afraid of missing out or being left behind. I get onto the walkway and find 25-30 people in my way. My pull-behind luggage is more than half the runway wide so cutting through the people is not an easy task. I push past a few people, then try to lift up and carry my luggage and “slide through” in between people. It’s not working. I’m sweating, very tired, full of fear of missing the flight, and physically exhausted to the point where I just can’t go on much further without wanting to collapse. This overwhelming fear of being late, being behind, and being left out is driving me more and more and more. What if people have to wait on me? What if they don’t wait on me? What if they get tired of waiting on me? What if everyone else gets to bond together and have a good time and I come in late and don’t know anyone? What if I get left out of everything because I wasn’t there on time?

I have to rest a second. As I put down my overly large suitcase, I look to the sides of the runway and see others from my organization eating at a restaurant, I see others using the bathroom, and others casually perusing the little airport shops. Two thoughts run through my head: “Oh, I got time. Relax, they’re on the same flight you are and they’ve got time, so you do too” and “Pssh, they don’t know. They’re all going to be late too. You’ve got to get there! Hurry!”

As I pick up my suitcase again with strained arms, I pass another person (successfully making it now 5 people) before I have to put it down again. I notice the man beside me is a pilot. I ask if he knows how much further it is to Gate 34, “I’m afraid I’ll be late.” I explain. “Don’t worry,” he responds, “That’s my flight. I’m piloting it. You’ve got time. I always get there long before everyone else to get everything ready. You’ve got time. Just rest and enjoy the ride.”

Part of me relaxes, but there’s something inside that still feels the need to rush ahead and get there now…just in case. He’s the pilot! I argue within my head. I’m pretty sure he knows when he should be there and knows more than you do, Abram. Past stories of hearing about others missing out or being late rush through my head along with all of the advice of people saying “make sure you get there early” and the compliments of “we’re so proud of the way you’re on top of things and have a good handle of them.” While meant to be encouraging, now they’re used against me to get there faster. Thoughts rush and collide in my head. I finally catch a glimpse of what terminal I’m in… Exhale. Oh, I’m in the right one. Exhale deeper. Maybe…Maybe I am ok time wise and I am on the right schedule…

This is not about a flight. It’s the story of my spiritual life. But the pilot responds:
Be still and know that I am G. I am the author and perfecter, the tour guide and pilot of your life’s journey and faith. Don’t you remember that I know the path and plan you’re on. I know the times where you are supposed to be. I don’t send you to make it to that next point on time, I just ask you to walk with me and I will always be on time. I’m never late. Enjoy this life I’ve given you and that path you’re on. You’re with me. I’m the ultimate planner and tour guide. I’ll show you everything when the time is right. Don’t rush ahead and miss out on now. Be ok with where you are, walk with me, and trust me that you’re not missing out or being left out.

Please Ask and join me in enjoying the life we have, not rushing ahead to the next step, next revelation, next outpouring, or next movement; instead, let us enjoy where we are. Thanks to J work on the cross, if we have accepted it, we are already where we want to be, we just need the complete reality of that to fully become tangible. We are like a wrestler who’s already made weight and now is just getting stronger, like eyes that can already see in a dark room but waiting to fully adjust and see everything, like a prisoner having his chains broken and walking away free as his shackles continue to fall off, like the time when the war is over and we’re waiting for all the battles to get the news and finish. We’re already living in the Kingdom with J but waiting for our bodies and minds to adjust to that reality. Ask that we all might understand this, enjoy the Finished Work at the cross, have peace in the process, and walk in that not just in China but in West Virginia, California, Colorado, Georgia, Kentucky, Texas, Russia, England, India, Australia, Africa, etc.

with Love not my own and a growing freedom I already have,

Abram

I will do more than restore...

It's been an amazing month and a half and I am heartbroken, boggled, amazed, and just stunned by what I have seen and gotten to experience. I'm compiling pictures and stories but I had to share this one before I forgot it. It's the culmination of the semesters and these two results both were told me to me in the last 24 hours.

This last semester has been rough and often seemingly like my pr's had no power or effect. That when I called... He would answer other people but me... not always. I see otherwise now.

1) A teacher friend of mine was having a rough semester. Aside from living in China and being the first semester (which always has issues) there was just more funk and attack on top of it. Our hearts broke as we heard story after story of things fading and falling. At our annual conference in Thailand I got to catch up with her and 90% of what I heard was negative. There was bitterness, anger, frustration, and almost hatred of the place. (I understand, I have been there. I don't say it out of condemnation to her - I say it out of understanding.) The more the conversation would go about her city or school it would end up going back to the negative. When talking about going back this next semester, there was fear, frustration, and an extreme resistance to do it. (I had it last year too.) It's like almost begging the Father not to send me back again, don't make me do it. Please send me somewhere else, maybe home, just... I really don't want to go back there again.

A week and half later (yesterday), I skyped with her expecting to hear more frustrations, some lessons learned, and things to be lifting up. Instead, she shared with me she loved her city. (She's got a rough city to love too.) "The Father has just given me a love for this place. It's like I'm falling in love with China all over again. It's completely His love because I have nothing and desperately didn't want to be here." When asked if she was still going home next year to work part time and try to restablish what was going on (which she shared with a broken heart and almost out of fear at our conference) she responded, "I'm actually coming back to China for the next two years." My heart jumped with excitement and confusion as if this was real. The Father had literally done a 180 with her heart taking it and filling it with passionate love for an awful city and an extremely hard time. She's coming back for two more years to the same city she hated two weeks ago. The Father is so good to take what we hate (and there are many things I hate) and not just make us ok with it, but instead give an abounding love for it.

2) (I'll make this one quicker.) I had a good friend and student call me last semester and say, "Can you do me a favor?" "Um, I'll try, what's up?" "Can you just kill me? I'm asking you to do it so you won't get in trouble. You can just help get it ready so you won't do anything." He was in a deep depression that had been going on for months. His world on the outside was semi-stable, but his cry was "why can't I just experience His love? Why can't I feel it? I'm not sure He loves me." He was ready to give up. He was leaving for his senior internship this semester and hated that idea too - working with greedy, backstabbing people who use dirty practices and make him do things he doesn't want to do, going to a place he has no connections or idea where to live, using a language he didn't want to use (he studied German and English and wanted to use German). So we pr, and when it was pretty much hopeless tried to speak out words of hope that the Father would do and provide.

Last night he called me and filled me in. A 50 min conversation (long for Chinese/American dialog via phone) about his new job. He had been there 3 weeks. His job was decent, his housing that was provided was a little less than decent, but the people he worked with were very very nice. They were very warm and welcoming. He found a Fellowship near his work that he could go to and was connected by our local fellowship here to another one. He traveled 2.5 hours to go find them and 2.5 hours to come back and said it was worth it. He might go visit them each week. (5 hours to go to Fellowship? woah.) He loves the city (which he didn't think he would) and it has lots of good places to check out.

The awesome thing about both of these conversations was that I heard J-man Joy coming out of both of them. Where there was anger, frustration, hopelessness, and a sincere cry of "please, not any more." there is now joy in each word. He has not only restored them back to normal but instead blessed them above. I am overfilled with joy and in that I wrote this this morning. I'll leave you with it and write more stories later but for now...enjoy.

"Look at those who were brokenhearted that you have prayed and wept for – see how I have restored them. So will I continue. What you weep and pray over, I will restore and bless. Continue to weep with those who weep, morn with those who morn, and pray that I will restore. For I will always restore and in abundance. I am good and just. I long to restore. I long to forgive. I wait patiently for you to come to me so that I can make you fully new. Cause I want you to know, how much I love you. Come to me, come to me, come to me and don’t be afraid to have nothing to give. Don’t be afraid that I won’t come through. Don’t be afraid that I won’t be good. Come to me all who are broken and heavy, who are weary from life and this battle. Come to me and I will draw near. I will restore. I will fix. I will bless. I will be more than just reestablishing – I will be overly abundant. I want to be and will be extravagant. I’m not bringing you back on level, I’m taking you above to a new level. For are mine. I love you. I gladly paid for you with my sons own life and I still love you. My love did not waver, dip, change, alter when I gave up my son. In fact, my sacrifice was just out of the overflow of my love for you. Come to me and ask me to restore. Come to me with tears and a broken heart. Come to me with the tears and broken heart of another. I long to restore. I will restore. I will always take care of you. My promises are true and I will come through always. Always."

Him and his house...

So I think you remember our Boy from last year, this summer, and this fall. Here's a quick story about him and Him.

Last October Holiday (Oct 1-5), I went to his house to visit, meet his family, see "another side of China." The last night we were there, the topic came up in conversation about me being a Family member and what I thought about all of that. His mom "used to be" one? (I'm not sure what that means but that was the translation I got.) We got into a real good conversation about what his dad thought and who and how people made it Upstairs. How being good enough wasn't really an option because no one was good enough. The best part was that our Boy G, was the translator so he basically was telling his own family this whole story under the safety of repeating it from me.

The semester ended and he went home. At 12:30 I got this text message, "Such a blessing today! Sitting all the way back to (hometown) with a standing ticket." Which was already cool in itself that G's lovin on him that way, but I felt like he was getting ramped up for something though. Five hours later I get another text message that reads "I have an awesome beginning of talking about HIM with my parents, I cant wait to share more, but I'll wait, step by step. I feel HIS holy [sprite]."

This is huge for to be talking to his parents on his own about Him. It's phenominal. I can't believe that! I mean, I should expect it, but I am so excited by it. He talked to Ashley a few days ago asking what he should say to his grandpa who wants proof of the existance of G. I'm like "wha? Where is this coming from?!" I guess I know where it's coming from. He's so good and faithful to finish.

Friday, I'm going back to his house for the biggest festival in China "Spring Festival." I'm really excited about it and what He's doing and going to do. Please lift up that time (not that I'm needed to be there but that I could be gracious and a blessing to them - and my Chinese would be better.)

He's faithful to finish... not just him but him and his household. :)

So, I thought I'd pass on how it's not just him, but him and his household. :)

He's Walking!

I wonder what goes through a babies mind when it first starts to walk? I mean, it’s what we all thought at one point…right? Is it…

Surprise? “Wait, they have the same things I do!”

Intrigue? “Everyone else is using those two things to move and I’m still using 4 of mine, I’m not even sure the right way. Is this right?”

Boldness? “I’m going to take a stab at this whole “walking” thing. Everyone seems to do it, maybe me too?”

Excitement? “Dude! I can go so much faster this way.” Then you hear “ahhh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah” as their steps vibrate their voice.”

Adventure? “Woah, I can move so much more. I wonder what else is in here? Wait… where’s the cat? I love the cat. I want to go find him and we can cuddle. J Dude, I can go find the cat now! This is so much cooler. “

But I wonder.

I wonder at what point does it cross their mind that the adults are the same thing as the baby, but bigger. When do they make the connection, “Wait… I should be doing that too.” Then they grab a hold of something nearby and pull themselves up. They take a step or two and plop. They fall back on their butt.

What do the parents do? “AHHHHH! He’s walking! Get the camera! Call your Mom! He’s walking.” The baby took two steps and the parents are about to alert CNN of the breaking news. As the baby, we kind of look at the parents in confusion, “Wha? They’re so excited because I took two steps? Oh…maybe I should do that again. Let me try to get up… huuuuh (grunt).” Then the parents flip out again and take the video of it to show to everyone how their son/daughter is doing what 95% of the rest of the world is doing.

You know what I’ve never heard a parent say? “That’s it? You took like 2 steps. Come on. Don’t come back until you can walk around the room.” Why? One, because they’re not a jerk. Two, because they’ve been there before. Three, because they understand it takes time and that’s the first attempt of trying to walk or ever use that part of their body appropriately. Four, because they love their son/daughter and want to see them succeed and love to see them doing what they’re supposed to be doing. They gently bend down, take them by the hand, help them up and get going again.

Now stop, switch it around, and ask yourself: why would the Father ever look at us trying to learn to walk and say “What? That’s it? That’s all you’re doing? This is the first time you’ve ever tried to use this part of your life and you fell down again? Are you kidding me? You just fell 5 times in one try. You failed 5 times! How many times are you going to trip and fall? How many times are you going to stumble? Leave me until you can walk around me by yourself. Just figure out how to do it, practice, get good at it, and when you can walk fully, then come back and see me and we’ll sit down and talk.” No! One, He’s not a jerk. Two, because he’s been here before. He knows what it’s like to be human and knows what it’s like to try to walk down here. Three, He understands it takes time to begin to use part of your body and soul that you’re not used to using. And Four, because He is absolutely crazy about you. He loves you so much and wants to see you succeed and do what you’re supposed to be doing. He created you and knows the potential of how to walk. So He’s excited when you start carrying that out. He takes you by the hand, lifts you up, and then guides you in walking again.

He’s like “Look! He’s doing it. He’s walking.” Initially, we usually fall down more than we walk. So we stumble and fall down again and again trying to get it but we start thinking “Man, I just failed 5 times.” But the Father says “He’s walking! My sons walking! Get the camera!” In John’s second little book, he addresses little children, young men, and fathers. To the children he says “you’ve been forgiven” as in don’t worry about all the times you keep falling and failing, it’s already forgiven. Get up and try it again! You’re doing it!

Do 8 year olds ever trip and stumble? Yes. Do 13 year olds trip over their own feet as they enter their new bodies? Oh yeah. Do professional runners ever hit pot holes and trip? Yep. So do we as believers. If we’re baby children learning to walk with G, if we’re 8 year old believers, if we’re 13 year olds and trying to follow in a new venue or calling, or if we’re “professional runners” we still often trip. That’s why there’s grace.

Let us celebrate the fact that WE’RE WALKING like our Father does! Let’s celebrate the fact that others are walking too. Encourage what they have done, rather than every time they’ve failed or not walked well. Just like walking and running, it’s better and more motivating to do it if you have someone to do it with. So if you know a 5-50 year old believer whose camped out on the couch, maybe you can offer to walk with them for a while until they learn/remember how it’s done.

12 Things You Won't Find in America in 2012

On the 12th Day of 2012, I wanted to share with you 12 things that you wont find in America. These aren't like the "best of" pictures that I could find. I actually didn't even look very hard. I just took a few pictures one day and realized this would be fun. All of these pictures have been taken in the last 2 weeks just throughout my normal life - no extra searching was needed.

#12 Obama Socks
The US President has made history once again dawning the grey feet warmers. These are just one of the jewels you can find in these street side blanket booths.

#11 Roasted Corn & Sweet Potato

More than anywhere else I've been there are all kinds of street food. In this oven beside her, you'll find long cylinders with an ear of corn on it or a few sweet potatoes. Other favorites of street vendors are roasting chestnuts and sunflower seeds.

#10 Cell Phone Charms
It's very popular for all girls and a lot of guys to have a cell phone charm. Some of them are a few beads, or like a small key chain type of thing, others consist of giant stuffed animals that are as big as your cell phone.

#9 Face Massager
I guess after a long day you need a good relaxing massage. These come in different varieties - face, back, and even "bust" massagers. (I decided not to post that picture though - you can imagine it's use ... maybe?)

#8 Face Masks
I didn't understand until this year hold bitterly cold it can be. These face masks keep your nose and mouth warm while still allowing you to see. If you're lucky enough you can even get one to keep you in the latest Chinese fashion - bear protruding 2 inches off your face or wide eyed cat?

#7 Ear Picks
Sold in the cosmetic section of stores, they have style. You don't really need Q-Tips when you have a metal ear scraper/pick. Used and loved by all... I think.

#6 Bling Bling Everything
Bedazzle gone wild. These are covers for your iphone. If you want lots and lots of shiny things - China is the place for you. They even have 3-d bedazzlings in case the cell phone charm wasn't enough. (My question, how do you put it in your pocket?)

#5 Train Seat

There are different kinds of tickets you can buy for a train (China's railway system is much more developed and used than ours would ever be). You can buy a bed (2 kinds), a seat, or a standing ticket (where you stand). After all the beds and seats are sold students are forced to buy a standing ticket to go home. One student had a standing ticket for 40 hours to go back to his hometown for the break. That's why these little seats are sold for students to sit on on the train. Hopefully, there's enough room that you can sit down.

#4 Fresh Fish - Really Fresh Fish
As many restaurants you can pick out your fish you want...from the aquarium. It doesn't seem like it takes much to cook them either. This was served to us at our schools banquet they put on for the 500 faculty and staff for New Years Eve. It's not the first time you have something looking back at you as you eat it.

#3 Tails
In a popular meet market in the downtown area I've often seen tailed meat in this booth. Finally, I had my camera to catch it. I'm still greatly confused as to what has a tail like that that you would eat? Either way, I decided a picture was enough for me.

#2 Live Chickens
This lady is the cook in one of the restaurants you see behind her. Many times the chickens are kept on the street then when someone orders a bird, they go get it and cook it. Fresh! Here she's cut the necks of these two chickens letting them bleed out on the street while two perhaps patrons check out the action.

#1 -Chinglish... we think?
This was a question and answer to a homework in Tannah's class. She teaches History/Survey of English speaking countries. I think this student got a few things confused... maybe not.

BONUS PICTURE:
Not taken in 2012 but still not something you see very often in America.

When you gotta go, you gotta go and wherever is okay for little kids.

Happy 2012!

How Great?

The Empire State Building stands 1,250 feet tall and has 102 stories. Whew. I heard once that if you dropped a penny from the top of it, it would kill someone at the bottom because of the force it has. That's a long way, that's a big building.

When we look at it in comparison to the skyline around it, it dominates the scene. There's no question it's the tallest. If you were to go to the top, you could and would see everything around you for as far as the atmosphere allowed. You never doubt how tall it is - that it's one of the tallest, biggest, greatest buildings....for Americans.

I bring up this story because a student/friend of mine brought it to my attention this last week and it's such a good point. My friend, C, became a Family member 3 years ago and just left for his senior internship in the Spring Semester. I've gotten to know him pretty well and to talk about a lot of things. He has good English and can think in the western way and gets western humor, so it's much easier to communicate and just hang out with him. When he first came to believe his physical appearance changed - it was as if the weight of his shoulders were lifted off. In the next year, he was completely transformed, much more outgoing, confident, his classmates turned to him and respect him and pretty much the awesomeness of the Good News carried out. As time went on, the weight of the world came back again and his shoulders started to slump. As I met him last year he was still outgoing but throughout the year I could see it settle back on him again.

This semester has been very hard for him with looking for a job, preparing to leave college (he's from the south part of China so he's lived in the north for 5 years and only went home for about a week or so throughout the year), he's grown tremendously and found true community here, but he's made some difficult choices, had an intense heartbreak with a girl, found himself secluded from his classmates and friends, and attacked with lies and some cultural businesses practices that grind against his new Self. Many things we've been able to work through and overcome, but there's still a constant bashing down on him from unseen things and the lack of love being there. He's been searching for love and just can't quite get it, can't connect, can't feel it.

It got to the point this last week he called me asking me to kill him. He is a little overdramatic at times, but his near tears on the other end of the line told me I needed to take this call seriously. As we talked he just cried out, "why can't I feel His love anymore?! Does He not love me? Why can't I feel it? I just want to feel it!" He had been searching for it for weeks and months. In the search he started looking for love other places - in friends and fellowship, in school work, in getting his drivers license (a huge deal here), in his future job, in his employers, in working out, and in the occasional slip back to drinking for a night.

At lunch a few days later, we talked and he expressed his frustration:

"You know, it's like when you see the buildings in Changchun and you think That building is huge and it's got to be so tall! (buildings here are easily 10-20 stories), but then you see the Burj Khalifa in India and you realize that these buildings are nothing. It's the same way with His love," he said in mid-tears.

The Burj Khalifa in Dubai, India stands 2, 723 feet tall, has 160 floors and is the tallest building in the world.

"I thought I knew what love was and happiness was, but then when I met Him and I became a [believer] that I realized what love really was and how big it really was. Now all of those other things seem so weak and so useless."

The Burj Khalifa stands more than twice as tall as the Empire State Building - what we as Americans think is tall is really the world's little brother to the Indian Giant.

"Now that I've seen His love, now that I've felt it. I can't go back. There's no way to go back. There's nothing else that satisfies. I just need His love. I need to feel it again."

The Burj Khalifa in Dubai, India stands dwarfing every other building in sight. It's from here that you can see the ends of the earth. It does not back down. It is not shaken. It cannot be compared to, and once you see it, you can never go back to looking at any other building thinking it's tall.

"I'm not sure how I ever lived before this. How did I survive? I mean, somehow I made it through, but I don't know how I lived without it. I can't live without it again."

So I ask you to join us in Asking for an increase of His tangible Love. We have seen it and we can never go back to being ok. We can never go back to just getting by. Our soul crumbles and our hearts fail without. My friend is not the only one to feel this lacking and questioning of His Love this semester. It has happened to my team and I and other Chinese family members. (I know we serve and honor Him not because of feelings, but I'm not talking about feelings I'm talking about Him coming through to answer our calls, to comfort and give peace, to increase our faith.) How great of a lie is it for the evil one to attack the authority, size, and character of the Great One? How much does it break the Father's heart when we begin to doubt His love for us? We seek Greater Love - to return, to embrace, to give - but first we must receive it.

Thanks for your love and I ask that we all would give up our Empire State Buildings and look for the dwarfing of even the Burj Khalif. His love is greater than we can imagine and fathom. But I want to try so He can make it larger. I want to see Him in His full size and glory and somehow be able to begin to respond.

Please increase our view of you and our ability to experience it and then ability to respond accordingly.

Give up yet?

It's easier to understand and give yourself grace after having this conversation.

"Dang, I do that too? Why dont you just give up on me?"

"Give up?! You're so much better than when we started. I knew from the beginning how messed up you were. You just didn't know. I knew and I still said 'Yes!' "